Showing posts with label sexuality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sexuality. Show all posts
Monday, August 8, 2011
The Sex Series, Class 5, WHAT’S WRONG WITH MASTURBATION by Doctor Wale Funsho
The topic on masturbation is one which has generated a lot of controversies in the body of Christ; more so, since the Bible seem silent about the topic. While some dismiss the act as a normal part of a guy’s life (and the lady too), many others are crushed under the weight of guilt and they ask themselves whether they will ever be free. If I am in any way correct, masturbation and Christian are two words that have not been found to get along very well.
This brings to mind the big question, “Is there anything wrong with masturbation?” and if there is, what is wrong with it? I will not be in a hurry to say “Yes” or “No” but will want you to follow my line of reasoning, after all, we are entitled to our own opinion and mine is being explored here.
There are diverse opinions on the concept of masturbation and care be taken not put a stamp on the correctness or wrongness of it simply because from ones stand point, he/she wants it to be either right or wrong. Almost everyone will say that since the Bible is silent about the topic, we cannot speak for God in the determination of the goodness or evil of masturbation, but like Apostle Paul said, “…I think I also have the Spirit of God.”1
Depending on the research one reads anywhere, between 85-95% of men report that they masturbate once a month and 40-80% of women.2 Now, with such a large number of people involved in this, what could possibly be wrong about it?
Several philosophies have been held on the issue of masturbation ranging from the way the culture viewed it to the way Medical science and the church also viewed it. Initially, Hippocrates, the father of modern medicine was of the opinion that loss of semen, especially through masturbation weakened one and made him prone to disease and even death. The new thinking is that masturbation helps an individual discover his sexuality, reduces the risk of developing Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), relieves sexual tension, prevents the possible occurrence of prostate cancer in the males and reduces menstrual cramps in women3 as well as itchiness and dryness in menopausal women.4
They however admitted that it could cause among other things, fatigue, groin pain and premature ejaculations.5 What seems to amaze me about the topic is the transition from terrifyingly evil to very safe and in fact beneficial to the well being of all. But being the conservative that I am, I tend to support the fact that there may be something wrong with masturbation. I agree that the Bible is silent on the issue of masturbation but are there not other issues that the same Bible is silent about and does this silence make them any good for us? Some have said that the Bible is very explicit about intoxicating drinks but makes no mention of cigarette smoking, but we all know its potential ‘benefits’.
On the WebMD.com site they have an article entitled "Sexual Health Guide to masturbation." In the article they claim the following in regards to the ethics of masturbation, “While it once was regarded as a perversion and a sign of a mental problem, masturbation now is regarded as a normal, healthy sexual activity that is pleasant, fulfilling, acceptable and safe. It is a good way to experience sexual pleasure and can be done throughout life.” With the rise in pornography in the world this view point is understandable. Even as short as 50 years ago the idea of pornography was taboo, but as our culture has moved further and further down the road of the "sexual revolution" we have seen this view point shift. One is now abnormal if they in fact are not viewing pornography, and most masturbation is accompanied by the viewing of pornographic material.2
God created sex to be enjoyed, but within the limits of marriage. Any sexual activity outside that limits is considered lascivious and unclean by the scriptures.6 The categorical statement of Jesus on the issue of lust explains a lot on the issue for how is it possible for anyone to masturbate without having a preconceived sexual object of fantasy to take the person to heights of pleasure only he/she can experience?7 Like stated above, with the advent of sexual revolution and many people going into masturbation, few are so apt to talk about it because no matter how encouraging the new discoveries are about the benefits and safety of masturbation (solo sex), the police of the soul deep down criticises that act whenever indulged in.
For someone craving sex to resort to solitary sex is like a starving man enjoying the aroma of food that he cannot eat. The smell might be pleasurable, but ultimately it only increases the starving person’s torment.4
I started masturbating at an early age because I was exposed to a lot of things which a boy of my age shouldn’t know. But what could I do? In a house that accommodates extended family members, the security measures of the master of the house may be inadequate in ‘safeguarding’ the lives of the occupants of the house, especially the young ‘uns.’ My uncle came to live with us then, one of my father’s younger brothers and he stayed in the same room which I stayed. He was with us for years, thinking probably that he was doing his thing and we ours.
One day, he left a magazine (he sort of forgot to take it) and I saw ‘strange things in it, how that the penis could be used for things other than ‘peeing’. Unfortunately, we also had a house-help (be careful with your children when you decide to get one) who decided to show me what they were doing in the porn magazine. That was how it started. I was severally abused by house-helps thinking I was doing natural things that the book showed. So, when the helps left, I got hooked on masturbation. Any time I wanted to masturbate, I had to create an erotic scene in my mind, not knowing that I was committing adultery time and again, but when I grew old enough to know, I was stuck and guilt would not let me go.
According to Johann Christoph Arnold, “The so-called lines typically drawn between pornography, masturbation, one-night stands, and prostitution are actually an illusion. All of them are means used to attain sexual satisfaction without the “burden” of commitment. All reduce the mystery of sex to a technique for satisfying lust. And all of them are shameful – the secrecy of those who indulge in them betrays that fact more clearly than anything else.4, 8
God delivered me, and I am free. Free from the thought that I continuously violate the body God has given me for selfish reasons and that I can live with a conscience delivered from guilt. Don’t be deceived into thinking it’s all right to treat the sacred with contempt. Whoremongers and adulterers, God will judge!9 Do I think anything is wrong with masturbation? I think everything is wrong with it! But should you disagree with my view point, ask yourself this before you do it again, “What if at the gate of heaven it is discovered that masturbation is abhorred by God, will it be that singular act that will negate your life-long commitment to God and send you to an eternal torment?” If giving it up the benefit of doubt to the Lord is what might save you ultimately, why not give it up now and not wait till when it might be too late?
With lots of love and certain assurance of heaven, remain blessed!
References
1. 1Corinthians 740
2. A Christian View of Masturbation www.scribd.com/mobile/documents/4000341
3. Masturbation:Current medical opinions www.religioustolerance.org/masturba1.htm
4. The Morality of Masturbating; Towards a Christian View of Sexual Self-Stimulation Part 3: Masturbation: A Threat To One’s Marriage? www.net-burst.net/sexuality/masturbating.htm
5. What are the side effects of masturbation from medical point of view? http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061106220827AAZH0Te
6. Mark 720-22; 2Corinthians 1221; Galatians 519; Ephesians 53-5; Colossians 35.
7. Matthew 528
8. Romans 1312-13
9. Hebrews 135, 1Corinthians 316-17
Wale Funsho, a medical doctor by training, is a teacher of the Word, who currently pastors the Faith Assembly Parish of the Redeemed Christian Church of God in Abuja.
He has a God-given mandate to impact his generation, especially the youths at all levels, bringing to bare true life issues as he leads them through the maze of life by the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
He is married to Abimbola and they are blessed with two children- Temiloluwa and Daniel.
He can be reached on walefunsho@yahoo.com
The Sex Series is an online bible class where God's perspective on the subject of sex is taught in a no holds barred style
www.thesexseries.blogspot.com, thesexseries@gmail.com
Friday, July 29, 2011
ACHIEVING SEXUAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE by Doctor Gbenga Adebayo, Part 2
The Sex Series is back!!!
We conclude Doctor Gbenga Adebayo's Class on Achieving Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.
4. SheMyth: It is my husband’s job to satisfy me in bed
This is a rather common myth. It is perpetuated in kind by the widespread belief that the bed is an arena where men conquer women. They have heard many tales on the “exploits” of men in the bedroom. So many women enter marriage expecting their husband to also do exploits on them. Unfortunately for the vast majority, this expectation is dashed.
The Fact: Either female or male, the most important factor in your sexual gratification is you. Should you not want it, there is little anyone can do to make you a sexually fulfilled person. You cannot be an inactive passenger in the journey to sexually bliss. You have to be an active co-pilot. Tell your husband what you want and when you want it. It may surprise you, but many men are clueless on what really pleases their wives. Make your husband one of the educated lovers. Encourage him with sounds and moans of pleasure when he does the right things. Guide his hands when they are going astray. Guide his thrusts. Should he ejaculate before you have had your fill, try not to hiss. Express your disappointment in a sexy loving way and help him have another erection. For many men, the second erection lasts much longer than the first.
Take charge of your “sexual destiny” today. Change your mentality. You are not a passenger. You are a co-pilot.
5. SheMyth: He may not like how I look naked
I have found out that many women don’t like how they look naked. They wish they looked like someone other than themselves. In fact, many women cannot boldly stand in front of a full-length mirror and look at (if not admire) their own bodies. There are many reasons why this is so, but that is not the subject of discussion today. The issue is that many women believe the man in their lives also share this dislike of their delicate anatomy. They wonder and are tormented by the thought of what their partner (and even the society at large) thinks about their bodies. They are tormented by questions like: “...are my hips wide enough?”, “...are my breasts sagging?”, “...my buttocks are not round enough”, my legs are too thin or too fat”, .........(fill in the blank spaces).
The Fact: As far as sexual intercourse goes, most men don’t notice many physical things women are worried about. The more important things for a man in a sexual relationship is the enthusiasm of his partner and how well she satisfies the need to him to feel he is able to satisfy “his woman”. Some men will leave their fine “figure-8” wife at home and actually pay money to have sex with a short-fat-pudgy looking prostitute. As far as they are concerned, what the “ugly” prostitute may lack in beauty she more than makes up for in attitude, confidence, and enthusiasm (got that acronym? ACE. Memorize it! © Dr. Gbenga Adebayo)
I am not saying you shouldn’t strive to look the best you possibly can. No that is very far from my point. Practice hygiene. Look your best always. Dress smartly and in beautiful clothes. There is sexy lingerie for women of all sizes. Get a few. Exercise and live a healthy lifestyle.
Please stop worrying about what is or not about your body. Take charge of your bedroom. Your ACE (attitude, confidence, and enthusiasm) are more important.
7. HeSheMyth: Great sex is not for everyone
Please let me ask you: why do you have sex? Some people see sexual intercourse as a task that must be performed to keep the devil at bay. Some others believe sex is only intended for procreation needs only and as such couples should have sex only when they want to have children.
I believe sex is a great gift God has given couples for primarily for enjoyment and consequentially for procreation. Sex is to be enjoyed. You can have a great sexual life with your partner if you both commit to pleasuring one another.
Great sex may be hard work (which is not tied to the bedroom!), but it is a rewarding work. You can enjoy sex every single time. Yes. Every single time you can have heart-pounding-heavy-panting-wild-shouting sex!
Dr. Adebayo, a physician, is the Chief Executive Officer of Livinghealth International. He is a Consultant on Health and Wellness Solutions as well as Leadership and Soft-People Skills to many organisations and government parastatals. His consultancy and training clientele consists of firms in the Oil and Gas, Financial, Advertising, Educational, Consulting, and Health Safety & Environment (HSE) sectors as well as Faith Based Organizations and Public Institutions. He is passionate about helping organizations and institutions bridge the divide and find the connection between health and productivity. He is a member of the Governing Council of the Emergency, Crisis, and Risk Management Institute of Nigeria.
Send your questions and comments to adebayo@livinghealth.com.ng
www.gbengaadebayo.com
The Sex Series is an online bible class where God's perspective on the subject of sex is taught in a no holds barred style
www.thesexseries.blogspot.com, thesexseries@gmail.com
We conclude Doctor Gbenga Adebayo's Class on Achieving Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.
4. SheMyth: It is my husband’s job to satisfy me in bed
This is a rather common myth. It is perpetuated in kind by the widespread belief that the bed is an arena where men conquer women. They have heard many tales on the “exploits” of men in the bedroom. So many women enter marriage expecting their husband to also do exploits on them. Unfortunately for the vast majority, this expectation is dashed.
The Fact: Either female or male, the most important factor in your sexual gratification is you. Should you not want it, there is little anyone can do to make you a sexually fulfilled person. You cannot be an inactive passenger in the journey to sexually bliss. You have to be an active co-pilot. Tell your husband what you want and when you want it. It may surprise you, but many men are clueless on what really pleases their wives. Make your husband one of the educated lovers. Encourage him with sounds and moans of pleasure when he does the right things. Guide his hands when they are going astray. Guide his thrusts. Should he ejaculate before you have had your fill, try not to hiss. Express your disappointment in a sexy loving way and help him have another erection. For many men, the second erection lasts much longer than the first.
Take charge of your “sexual destiny” today. Change your mentality. You are not a passenger. You are a co-pilot.
5. SheMyth: He may not like how I look naked
I have found out that many women don’t like how they look naked. They wish they looked like someone other than themselves. In fact, many women cannot boldly stand in front of a full-length mirror and look at (if not admire) their own bodies. There are many reasons why this is so, but that is not the subject of discussion today. The issue is that many women believe the man in their lives also share this dislike of their delicate anatomy. They wonder and are tormented by the thought of what their partner (and even the society at large) thinks about their bodies. They are tormented by questions like: “...are my hips wide enough?”, “...are my breasts sagging?”, “...my buttocks are not round enough”, my legs are too thin or too fat”, .........(fill in the blank spaces).
The Fact: As far as sexual intercourse goes, most men don’t notice many physical things women are worried about. The more important things for a man in a sexual relationship is the enthusiasm of his partner and how well she satisfies the need to him to feel he is able to satisfy “his woman”. Some men will leave their fine “figure-8” wife at home and actually pay money to have sex with a short-fat-pudgy looking prostitute. As far as they are concerned, what the “ugly” prostitute may lack in beauty she more than makes up for in attitude, confidence, and enthusiasm (got that acronym? ACE. Memorize it! © Dr. Gbenga Adebayo)
I am not saying you shouldn’t strive to look the best you possibly can. No that is very far from my point. Practice hygiene. Look your best always. Dress smartly and in beautiful clothes. There is sexy lingerie for women of all sizes. Get a few. Exercise and live a healthy lifestyle.
Please stop worrying about what is or not about your body. Take charge of your bedroom. Your ACE (attitude, confidence, and enthusiasm) are more important.
7. HeSheMyth: Great sex is not for everyone
Please let me ask you: why do you have sex? Some people see sexual intercourse as a task that must be performed to keep the devil at bay. Some others believe sex is only intended for procreation needs only and as such couples should have sex only when they want to have children.
I believe sex is a great gift God has given couples for primarily for enjoyment and consequentially for procreation. Sex is to be enjoyed. You can have a great sexual life with your partner if you both commit to pleasuring one another.
Great sex may be hard work (which is not tied to the bedroom!), but it is a rewarding work. You can enjoy sex every single time. Yes. Every single time you can have heart-pounding-heavy-panting-wild-shouting sex!
Dr. Adebayo, a physician, is the Chief Executive Officer of Livinghealth International. He is a Consultant on Health and Wellness Solutions as well as Leadership and Soft-People Skills to many organisations and government parastatals. His consultancy and training clientele consists of firms in the Oil and Gas, Financial, Advertising, Educational, Consulting, and Health Safety & Environment (HSE) sectors as well as Faith Based Organizations and Public Institutions. He is passionate about helping organizations and institutions bridge the divide and find the connection between health and productivity. He is a member of the Governing Council of the Emergency, Crisis, and Risk Management Institute of Nigeria.
Send your questions and comments to adebayo@livinghealth.com.ng
www.gbengaadebayo.com
The Sex Series is an online bible class where God's perspective on the subject of sex is taught in a no holds barred style
www.thesexseries.blogspot.com, thesexseries@gmail.com
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
TEMPLE MATTERS by Bolanle and Daniel Enang
“ TEMPLE MATTERS” (SANCTIFIED SEXUALITY for Ladies) by Bolanle & Daniel Enang
‘I hate sex”! I blurted out to the bewilderment of my ‘D’ on that Friday night in the midst of our new friends. I had never seen my sweetness look so shocked, embarrassed and humiliated! I am known for my frankness and bluntness; but this was way out of line.......or was it? Was it really?! I didn’t understand why I couldn’t be enraptured away in the moment of sensuality and heightened passion. After all, I had waited and dreamt of ‘this out of this world experience’. I had even taught ladies about sexual matters...what in the world was going on with my body and ability to get it right? What more Lord? I wondered!
I am the same person who a few years earlier was praying that my Lord Jesus and the host of heavens to “would dry every sexual desire in me as I was going to visit” my D” who was my fiancé at that time and had relocated a few years earlier. Honestly I could “chop and clean mouth” o and no one would know. Quite frankly, it was the TEST OF MY FAITH.........I had preached keeping yourself, etc.........but this was my love that I had not seen in two years. I mean handsome, broad shoulders, lean butts, with pink lips (very kissable). I was remembering the smell of his perfume and his deep, quiet, I daresay sexy voice. I couldn’t believe I would see him for 3 weeks in flesh after him being gone for so long. ”Lord, can I do this??” I wanted to grab him at the airport as soon as I laid my eyes on him........my heart ached: Lord, how can you ask me to hold on. To keep the gift of my body wrapped??? Haaa...........Lord!!!!!!!
Babes, especially Christian chicks are caught in a dichotomy of the awesome embodiment of the concept of sexual experience. Sexuality connotes different things: sex, love making, f....!. How on earth can you use Sanctified with such a word?? A hot sizzling p....zy isn’t thinking sanctification? Really, you think so?? Are you sensual or sexual?! (Gist of another day)
Pillar One: No one has the right to go down there without owning the meter! That ‘meter’ is bought with a price. I once heard this: “ko si meter ni bee’ (means there is no meter in the vagina. SANCTIFIED SEXUALITY applies to everyone who desires to hold their temples in awe and sacredness unto the Lord and for their husband. A price that is absolutely priceless. It cannot be bought with money, gifts, trips abroad, diamonds, rubies, pearls, airtime (I mean, really, airtime?? Come on!) So chick, tell me what is your price? I hear some saying; “puleeaasee!! At least someone’s been down there and unlocked it. I am sure he is constantly servicing it...abeg make me sef enjoy the thing.” Hmnn...I WAITED NOT BECAUSE MY SEX TANK WAS DRY AND UNINTERESTED! GOD DID KEEP ME....I didn’t sleep with him. I asked for help and He helped me. I had my struggle with the kissing matter! Yes, we all struggle with something but we can and do overcome!!
MYTH: There are no virgins left on earth....just do it and get on with it.
Pillar Two: Ladies, the way we carry ourselves is very crucial. It spells sexuality or sensuality. When a man walks past us, what runs through his mind? Is it “I want to sleep with her or I’d like to hold her in my life forever?” We exude aromas...consciously or unconsciously. Our poises, the look, the walk, clothes, speech, pitch; everything speaks! It is called Considered-Dressing.”
MYTH: The experience of sex is only a copulating of genitals: penis and vagina.
Pillar Three: My friend calls our sex organs ‘THE ROD OF CORRECTION” and ‘WET TUNNEL’! I remember the first time I stepped out in my “birth suit’ into my wedding room....hmnn (gist). My body had been shaking....literally, expecting this day from the moment I had my first crush as a twelve year old pretty girl who was being chased by the HOTTEST boy on my street. (Yes o....holy sister B!!) Only grace can uphold your buckling knees in such situations. Scriptures says we are saved by grace. Sex is a big deal! I mean guys actually grow hard merely looking at a girl. I mean, how did the pregnant mad woman come about?.....rod entered tunnel na!
We hear and see the sex around and it feels like there is no reason to wait for the prince charming. Did someone hiss at the word WAIT?! Yes, wait I can hear a chick saying, “you who waited for 29 years for sex...cheap common sex, how did it benefit you? Big deal! Sex is for perverts. There is nothing godly about it. Once I have done it, it’s over.” On my wedding night, when I saw his “ROD OF CORRECTION” I almost passed out. Yee? God this is not what we discussed o....and you can imagine the drama..! Now I am loving it.
Pillar Four: Our bodies are truly beautifully crafted. We are wrapped gifts. We are delicate and need to be unwrapped with skill and patience. Who told us that the first taste of the pudding determines the entire meal. Love making is a rare gift that is served on a platter that tastes differently for each of us. I daresay, our bodies are like wine that tastes better after each sip. Babe, why are you allowing the bar tender to sip away at you? He is not the owner of this bar. He cannot pay for the meter; talk less of this ageless wine.
Sex is good; it’s better with the right person BUT best served at the right time...MARRIAGE! Full stop!!
Listen, it is worth the wait. Salivating leads us into trouble. You say, “I cannot but salivate when this baddest looking bobo walks past with his cologne trailing my nostrils”. Babe, if he is yours, he”ll stop and properly converse with you. Dating is for discourse NOT intercourse. Our anatomy depicts our two legs representing the pillars that keep the wrong man away. Close your legs. With buckling knees, stand up tall and walk past with your head high. Why settle for the bar tender who is trying to bribe his way into the tunnel when the real owner is a knock away?
SEX IS AWESOME! I DIDNT FIND OUT ON THE FIRST NIGHT...but after a few rampages with my D....wow!!!I make my demands now o.....I tell him, you can’t be tired. When he is sweating and tired.....omo.....I just start o! This calabar woman needs to “WORSHIP with her body.” The myth that tells us to taste the pudding before the meal starts so we’d know whether or not it is sweet does not hold true.
What if you’ve been sexually active?
Yes, I hear you say you have been sexually active since you can remember and you don’t see a way out.
According to D (Daniel’s writing)
My dear sistas, you’ve heard it. The lady who desires to walk in sanctification should pay attention to these things. Keep the guys waiting for the unravelling of the mystery of your temple (your body and the wet tunnel). Look forward to the ‘solid rock’ when he gives you the bling bling...rings (wedding not only engagement ring). Omo, no ringie, no dingie o! Hebrews 13 v 4!!!!!
Other Resources
Dating with Integrity (John Holzmann; 1990). Wolgemuth & Hyatt, Publishers Inc.
5 Love Needs of Men & Women (Dr Gary & Barbara Rosberg, 2000). TYNDALE House Publishers
About our Authors
Daniel Enang is an engineer turned educator and information auditor. Currently, he drives an NGO, Joseph’s mandate that focuses on youth development. He is married to Bolanle who trained as real estate personnel. She is currently the Children’s pastor at St Stephen’s Anglican Church. They both love the Lord, his youth and children with incredible passion and live to be a blessing. They reside and work in Johannesburg, South Africa.
‘I hate sex”! I blurted out to the bewilderment of my ‘D’ on that Friday night in the midst of our new friends. I had never seen my sweetness look so shocked, embarrassed and humiliated! I am known for my frankness and bluntness; but this was way out of line.......or was it? Was it really?! I didn’t understand why I couldn’t be enraptured away in the moment of sensuality and heightened passion. After all, I had waited and dreamt of ‘this out of this world experience’. I had even taught ladies about sexual matters...what in the world was going on with my body and ability to get it right? What more Lord? I wondered!
I am the same person who a few years earlier was praying that my Lord Jesus and the host of heavens to “would dry every sexual desire in me as I was going to visit” my D” who was my fiancé at that time and had relocated a few years earlier. Honestly I could “chop and clean mouth” o and no one would know. Quite frankly, it was the TEST OF MY FAITH.........I had preached keeping yourself, etc.........but this was my love that I had not seen in two years. I mean handsome, broad shoulders, lean butts, with pink lips (very kissable). I was remembering the smell of his perfume and his deep, quiet, I daresay sexy voice. I couldn’t believe I would see him for 3 weeks in flesh after him being gone for so long. ”Lord, can I do this??” I wanted to grab him at the airport as soon as I laid my eyes on him........my heart ached: Lord, how can you ask me to hold on. To keep the gift of my body wrapped??? Haaa...........Lord!!!!!!!
Babes, especially Christian chicks are caught in a dichotomy of the awesome embodiment of the concept of sexual experience. Sexuality connotes different things: sex, love making, f....!. How on earth can you use Sanctified with such a word?? A hot sizzling p....zy isn’t thinking sanctification? Really, you think so?? Are you sensual or sexual?! (Gist of another day)
Pillar One: No one has the right to go down there without owning the meter! That ‘meter’ is bought with a price. I once heard this: “ko si meter ni bee’ (means there is no meter in the vagina. SANCTIFIED SEXUALITY applies to everyone who desires to hold their temples in awe and sacredness unto the Lord and for their husband. A price that is absolutely priceless. It cannot be bought with money, gifts, trips abroad, diamonds, rubies, pearls, airtime (I mean, really, airtime?? Come on!) So chick, tell me what is your price? I hear some saying; “puleeaasee!! At least someone’s been down there and unlocked it. I am sure he is constantly servicing it...abeg make me sef enjoy the thing.” Hmnn...I WAITED NOT BECAUSE MY SEX TANK WAS DRY AND UNINTERESTED! GOD DID KEEP ME....I didn’t sleep with him. I asked for help and He helped me. I had my struggle with the kissing matter! Yes, we all struggle with something but we can and do overcome!!
MYTH: There are no virgins left on earth....just do it and get on with it.
Pillar Two: Ladies, the way we carry ourselves is very crucial. It spells sexuality or sensuality. When a man walks past us, what runs through his mind? Is it “I want to sleep with her or I’d like to hold her in my life forever?” We exude aromas...consciously or unconsciously. Our poises, the look, the walk, clothes, speech, pitch; everything speaks! It is called Considered-Dressing.”
MYTH: The experience of sex is only a copulating of genitals: penis and vagina.
Pillar Three: My friend calls our sex organs ‘THE ROD OF CORRECTION” and ‘WET TUNNEL’! I remember the first time I stepped out in my “birth suit’ into my wedding room....hmnn (gist). My body had been shaking....literally, expecting this day from the moment I had my first crush as a twelve year old pretty girl who was being chased by the HOTTEST boy on my street. (Yes o....holy sister B!!) Only grace can uphold your buckling knees in such situations. Scriptures says we are saved by grace. Sex is a big deal! I mean guys actually grow hard merely looking at a girl. I mean, how did the pregnant mad woman come about?.....rod entered tunnel na!
We hear and see the sex around and it feels like there is no reason to wait for the prince charming. Did someone hiss at the word WAIT?! Yes, wait I can hear a chick saying, “you who waited for 29 years for sex...cheap common sex, how did it benefit you? Big deal! Sex is for perverts. There is nothing godly about it. Once I have done it, it’s over.” On my wedding night, when I saw his “ROD OF CORRECTION” I almost passed out. Yee? God this is not what we discussed o....and you can imagine the drama..! Now I am loving it.
Pillar Four: Our bodies are truly beautifully crafted. We are wrapped gifts. We are delicate and need to be unwrapped with skill and patience. Who told us that the first taste of the pudding determines the entire meal. Love making is a rare gift that is served on a platter that tastes differently for each of us. I daresay, our bodies are like wine that tastes better after each sip. Babe, why are you allowing the bar tender to sip away at you? He is not the owner of this bar. He cannot pay for the meter; talk less of this ageless wine.
Sex is good; it’s better with the right person BUT best served at the right time...MARRIAGE! Full stop!!
Listen, it is worth the wait. Salivating leads us into trouble. You say, “I cannot but salivate when this baddest looking bobo walks past with his cologne trailing my nostrils”. Babe, if he is yours, he”ll stop and properly converse with you. Dating is for discourse NOT intercourse. Our anatomy depicts our two legs representing the pillars that keep the wrong man away. Close your legs. With buckling knees, stand up tall and walk past with your head high. Why settle for the bar tender who is trying to bribe his way into the tunnel when the real owner is a knock away?
SEX IS AWESOME! I DIDNT FIND OUT ON THE FIRST NIGHT...but after a few rampages with my D....wow!!!I make my demands now o.....I tell him, you can’t be tired. When he is sweating and tired.....omo.....I just start o! This calabar woman needs to “WORSHIP with her body.” The myth that tells us to taste the pudding before the meal starts so we’d know whether or not it is sweet does not hold true.
What if you’ve been sexually active?
Yes, I hear you say you have been sexually active since you can remember and you don’t see a way out.
- Place value on your body. A rumpled $50 is still worth every cent of fifty dollars. The point is will you allow this $50 be torn, used and thrown away? What are you saying to yourself? Babe, what is your worth??
- Can you be “naked but not ashamed” before another “sista whose got your back”? Can you be accountable to another?
- Trust God! God has your back and can hold you from going back to “his” bed. God is still in the business of keeping our bodies sanctified.
According to D (Daniel’s writing)
- Confidence: I believe guys are attracted to confident ladies – Confidence comes from preparation; knowing who you are in God. Being aware of your distinctive assets: looks, how you speak, boldness, kindness, etc. These assets make you stand out and irresistible. Men naturally gravitate towards the confident woman. Your asset is your swagger!
- Truthfulness and Sincerity: Guys tend to suspect chicks. No matter how holy or sanctified you are, he is expecting to see an element of falsehood. Your catch is speak the truth, live the truth and be sincere even when it hurts you. No man wants to lose such babes.
- She knows what she wants and does not need anyone to validate her person – Nothing is as attractive as a babe who knows what she wants in any situation; especially when she communicates this with a sense of assertiveness and not arrogance.
- Guys desire a woman that can say NO! .....This is the mother of all attractions. When a chick says no to a broda, it makes him want to push further. This stirs up his hunting instincts.
- State your turn on – Those in relationship should be honest enough with their partners to let them know what turns them on, so that he learns not to touch you in those places. For some, a mere touching of the feet by the opposite sex drives them crazy! What’s your turn on? We are not talking second or third base here (those are out of bounds!!!) that kind of info is for your husband; lest you be taken advantage of.
My dear sistas, you’ve heard it. The lady who desires to walk in sanctification should pay attention to these things. Keep the guys waiting for the unravelling of the mystery of your temple (your body and the wet tunnel). Look forward to the ‘solid rock’ when he gives you the bling bling...rings (wedding not only engagement ring). Omo, no ringie, no dingie o! Hebrews 13 v 4!!!!!
Other Resources
Dating with Integrity (John Holzmann; 1990). Wolgemuth & Hyatt, Publishers Inc.
5 Love Needs of Men & Women (Dr Gary & Barbara Rosberg, 2000). TYNDALE House Publishers
About our Authors
Daniel Enang is an engineer turned educator and information auditor. Currently, he drives an NGO, Joseph’s mandate that focuses on youth development. He is married to Bolanle who trained as real estate personnel. She is currently the Children’s pastor at St Stephen’s Anglican Church. They both love the Lord, his youth and children with incredible passion and live to be a blessing. They reside and work in Johannesburg, South Africa.
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