Wow! I never imagined that the thoughts of my heart, when given a little voice could elicit such responses as I have had from the topic. Although I admit it is a very controversial topic, all I stated in the last write-up was my opinion based on what the Spirit of God revealed me to.
Firstly I must apologise for not giving a definition to masturbation in the first part (I never even knew there would be a second part!)- my bad. I assumed everyone already knew what I was talking about since it was so common a phenomenon, an open secret actually.
Secondly, much as I value every comment made, the whole essence of the piece was not to bring condemnation to the doorsteps of anyone, but to let all know that something might actually be wrong with what might have been considered safe all along. Like Jesus faced the woman caught in the act of adultery when He asked her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” (John 8:10-11 NKJV) The same way I stand to declare to all caught in its web to go and sin no more.
Like I said, I got very good opinions pointing out the fact that I didn’t mention step by step means (or method) of how to be delivered from the claws of masturbation (if it has any) and I intend to address such points here to the best of my ability.
I don’t want to talk as an authority on the subject and neither do I want to sound hypocritical in my approach to it as many times I have found out that people who criticize some matters the most with strong expressions of opposition and vehemence are actually guilty of such matters! They tend to indirectly talk to themselves without having a way out for themselves.
Defining Masturbation
To start with, let me attempt to define masturbation so that we don’t confuse it with some other things. According to Encarta dictionary, it means “to give yourself or somebody else sexual pleasure by stroking the genitals, usually to orgasm” while oxford dictionary says “it is to stimulate the genitals with the hand.” These definitions differ from homosexuality or lesbianism, although it could be practiced in any of the settings.
While homosexuality refers to sexual relations between or among men, lesbianism refers to sexual relations between or among women. Stroking could be with the hands or vibrators (and other sex toys) as is seen today, like some guys who buy female dolls with vagina (you know for what purpose! And did I just catch you say eww?) and girls who buy vibrators for clitoral stimulation. How different are these from hand stimulation? A bit refined though! But does that excuse the fact that the sacred has been abused? Let’s brood on that.
Masturbation in Marriage
Care should also be taken not to confuse genital stimulation by one’s spouse with masturbation as that in itself is part of the sexual relations between a husband and wife and this could occur in foreplay. But a situation where the one person now resorts to solo sex, possibly because of the unavailability of the spouse, is he/she excused from that wrong? No! Because by doing so, he/she has reduced the sex partner to a mere fantasy because hardly will anyone masturbate without having a sexual fantasy and the married ones may be tempted to think that they are not committing adultery since their fantasy is with their spouses! Wrong again. The error in this thinking is that such people do not realize that with time, they do not get as much pleasure from their spouse as they derive from solo sex and as such look forward to the solo sex rather than a healthy sexual relations with their spouse. To me, that’s a form of idolatry (that’s just my own thinking!)
Mastering Masturbation
That aside, how does a person master masturbation? That’s the one million dollar (or naira) question. My answer? I wish I knew. Don’t get me wrong by thinking I have no solution to this question, but what I may not have is the step by step method of being free. Follow me in my reasoning, if you please. I appreciate the fact that many are ‘hooked’ and want to be free. Our parents haven’t made it easy at all (because we were not thoroughly lectured on sex and possible perversions) and the church has not made it any better because they wield the gavel of judgment without showing the way out! We‘re only told things like this are wrong but hardly taught what to do to get out of the ‘prison’ but I in turn, fear such teachings because our ‘teachers’ are quickly overtaken by legalism and impose the ‘touch not, taste not, handle not’ doctrine.
I want to jump to say, “if you follow these steps, it’s d way out,” but the God I’ve come to know doesn’t work that way. In any case, many may not see things from my point of view, believing as far as they are concerned, that masturbation is God’s way of protecting them from fornication, but each time they indulged in it, they are weighed down by guilt. What is the way out?
I know I made reference to the fact that I was caught in the web of masturbation for a long time but people want to know how I broke free, the methods I followed, so they could be free. I will tell you, but let me disappoint you before reading on that it is not a step by step approach. Let me quickly point out here that Jesus, when he walked the earth, healed blindness in three different ways and drove out demons in different ways. I believe that when it comes to the issues of masturbation, being free is not limited to a particular step.
A Simple Heartfelt Prayer
Each time I masturbated, my heart would condemn me and I repented many times only to find myself in the same boat (hope I’m speaking your mind too). The way out for me was simple though I found it after a long time. Suffice it to say that deliverance services and altar calls did not do it, neither did fastings, but a simple heartfelt prayer with a determination to die did the trick. When I said the determination to die, I meant it.
The Lord opened my eyes to a scriptures that, when added to my desire, set me free. He said, “You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.” (Hebrews 12:4) By this He meant that sin does not thrive in death. A dead man cannot sin and if I consider myself dead or I bind myself with the oath of death should I commit sin, then sin will no longer be an issue. Sin finds root where desire is fanned.
I felt a burden roll away and immediately I did away with anything that contained any form of sensuality or nudity especially movies and guess what? The desire to masturbate is just no longer there. Does it mean I cannot fall into the trap again? Of course I can if I allow myself to be exposed to the ‘allergens’ but I have learnt from Apostle Paul that, "...whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- (I should) meditate on these things." Philippians 4:8 (Emphasis mine)
The way out will be different for everyone
My point here is that the way God dealt with me would obviously be different from the way He would deal with another of His child. For some, He may require fasting, for others, He may require deliverance; God’s ways are mysterious but all I would say is that once we take our issues to Calvary, there’s always help for us provided we go with an open heart and a strong determination never to return. So for a divorced, single, or married person with distant relationship with the spouse, who wants to be free, the single most important criterion is to have an avid desire for freedom; that, the Father will not turn down.
With broken cord and shouts of victory, many cheers!
Wale Funsho, a medical doctor by training, is a teacher of the Word, who currently pastors the Faith Assembly Parish of the Redeemed Christian Church of God in Abuja.
He has a God-given mandate to impact his generation, especially the youths at all levels, bringing to bare true life issues as he leads them through the maze of life by the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
He is married to Abimbola and they are blessed with two children- Temiloluwa and Daniel.
He can be reached on walefunsho@yahoo.com
The Sex Series is an online bible class where God's perspective on the subject of sex is taught in a no holds barred style
www.thesexseries.blogspot.com, thesexseries@gmail.com
Firstly I must apologise for not giving a definition to masturbation in the first part (I never even knew there would be a second part!)- my bad. I assumed everyone already knew what I was talking about since it was so common a phenomenon, an open secret actually.
Secondly, much as I value every comment made, the whole essence of the piece was not to bring condemnation to the doorsteps of anyone, but to let all know that something might actually be wrong with what might have been considered safe all along. Like Jesus faced the woman caught in the act of adultery when He asked her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” (John 8:10-11 NKJV) The same way I stand to declare to all caught in its web to go and sin no more.
Like I said, I got very good opinions pointing out the fact that I didn’t mention step by step means (or method) of how to be delivered from the claws of masturbation (if it has any) and I intend to address such points here to the best of my ability.
I don’t want to talk as an authority on the subject and neither do I want to sound hypocritical in my approach to it as many times I have found out that people who criticize some matters the most with strong expressions of opposition and vehemence are actually guilty of such matters! They tend to indirectly talk to themselves without having a way out for themselves.
Defining Masturbation
To start with, let me attempt to define masturbation so that we don’t confuse it with some other things. According to Encarta dictionary, it means “to give yourself or somebody else sexual pleasure by stroking the genitals, usually to orgasm” while oxford dictionary says “it is to stimulate the genitals with the hand.” These definitions differ from homosexuality or lesbianism, although it could be practiced in any of the settings.
While homosexuality refers to sexual relations between or among men, lesbianism refers to sexual relations between or among women. Stroking could be with the hands or vibrators (and other sex toys) as is seen today, like some guys who buy female dolls with vagina (you know for what purpose! And did I just catch you say eww?) and girls who buy vibrators for clitoral stimulation. How different are these from hand stimulation? A bit refined though! But does that excuse the fact that the sacred has been abused? Let’s brood on that.
Masturbation in Marriage
Care should also be taken not to confuse genital stimulation by one’s spouse with masturbation as that in itself is part of the sexual relations between a husband and wife and this could occur in foreplay. But a situation where the one person now resorts to solo sex, possibly because of the unavailability of the spouse, is he/she excused from that wrong? No! Because by doing so, he/she has reduced the sex partner to a mere fantasy because hardly will anyone masturbate without having a sexual fantasy and the married ones may be tempted to think that they are not committing adultery since their fantasy is with their spouses! Wrong again. The error in this thinking is that such people do not realize that with time, they do not get as much pleasure from their spouse as they derive from solo sex and as such look forward to the solo sex rather than a healthy sexual relations with their spouse. To me, that’s a form of idolatry (that’s just my own thinking!)
Mastering Masturbation
That aside, how does a person master masturbation? That’s the one million dollar (or naira) question. My answer? I wish I knew. Don’t get me wrong by thinking I have no solution to this question, but what I may not have is the step by step method of being free. Follow me in my reasoning, if you please. I appreciate the fact that many are ‘hooked’ and want to be free. Our parents haven’t made it easy at all (because we were not thoroughly lectured on sex and possible perversions) and the church has not made it any better because they wield the gavel of judgment without showing the way out! We‘re only told things like this are wrong but hardly taught what to do to get out of the ‘prison’ but I in turn, fear such teachings because our ‘teachers’ are quickly overtaken by legalism and impose the ‘touch not, taste not, handle not’ doctrine.
I want to jump to say, “if you follow these steps, it’s d way out,” but the God I’ve come to know doesn’t work that way. In any case, many may not see things from my point of view, believing as far as they are concerned, that masturbation is God’s way of protecting them from fornication, but each time they indulged in it, they are weighed down by guilt. What is the way out?
I know I made reference to the fact that I was caught in the web of masturbation for a long time but people want to know how I broke free, the methods I followed, so they could be free. I will tell you, but let me disappoint you before reading on that it is not a step by step approach. Let me quickly point out here that Jesus, when he walked the earth, healed blindness in three different ways and drove out demons in different ways. I believe that when it comes to the issues of masturbation, being free is not limited to a particular step.
A Simple Heartfelt Prayer
Each time I masturbated, my heart would condemn me and I repented many times only to find myself in the same boat (hope I’m speaking your mind too). The way out for me was simple though I found it after a long time. Suffice it to say that deliverance services and altar calls did not do it, neither did fastings, but a simple heartfelt prayer with a determination to die did the trick. When I said the determination to die, I meant it.
The Lord opened my eyes to a scriptures that, when added to my desire, set me free. He said, “You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.” (Hebrews 12:4) By this He meant that sin does not thrive in death. A dead man cannot sin and if I consider myself dead or I bind myself with the oath of death should I commit sin, then sin will no longer be an issue. Sin finds root where desire is fanned.
I felt a burden roll away and immediately I did away with anything that contained any form of sensuality or nudity especially movies and guess what? The desire to masturbate is just no longer there. Does it mean I cannot fall into the trap again? Of course I can if I allow myself to be exposed to the ‘allergens’ but I have learnt from Apostle Paul that, "...whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- (I should) meditate on these things." Philippians 4:8 (Emphasis mine)
The way out will be different for everyone
My point here is that the way God dealt with me would obviously be different from the way He would deal with another of His child. For some, He may require fasting, for others, He may require deliverance; God’s ways are mysterious but all I would say is that once we take our issues to Calvary, there’s always help for us provided we go with an open heart and a strong determination never to return. So for a divorced, single, or married person with distant relationship with the spouse, who wants to be free, the single most important criterion is to have an avid desire for freedom; that, the Father will not turn down.
With broken cord and shouts of victory, many cheers!
Wale Funsho, a medical doctor by training, is a teacher of the Word, who currently pastors the Faith Assembly Parish of the Redeemed Christian Church of God in Abuja.
He has a God-given mandate to impact his generation, especially the youths at all levels, bringing to bare true life issues as he leads them through the maze of life by the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
He is married to Abimbola and they are blessed with two children- Temiloluwa and Daniel.
He can be reached on walefunsho@yahoo.com
The Sex Series is an online bible class where God's perspective on the subject of sex is taught in a no holds barred style
www.thesexseries.blogspot.com, thesexseries@gmail.com
God bless you Doctor, God bless the blog!
ReplyDeleteGlad u defined Masturbation. For the first time i got to know what masturbation really is. Sometimes i feel many people don't even know that what they are practicing is actually masturbation.
ReplyDeleteVery true! I was also caught in the web of masturbation for a few years. I never could explain when and how it all started but the guilt and emptiness I always feel when its done compares to nothing and it hinders me from everything with God. For me, it took a revelation that I was actually hindering my blessings for me to stop. Every time something great was about to happen, I masturbate and that was the end of it (although I never knew that until I was out of it). The way out for me was not alter calls and guilty feeling which I did several times but a heartfelt prayer and determination to stop. I continuously asked for grace from God every day and every time I had the urge so as not to do it. I also make sure I avoid watching movies or scenes that may lead me to masturbate. Thanks to God, it's close to a year since I last masturbated and I can only say it takes God, grace and determination to stop. Even if people think it's not a sin, what if I get to heavens gate and it is a sin! T
ReplyDelete