‘I hate sex”! I blurted out to the bewilderment of my ‘D’ on that Friday night in the midst of our new friends. I had never seen my sweetness look so shocked, embarrassed and humiliated! I am known for my frankness and bluntness; but this was way out of line.......or was it? Was it really?! I didn’t understand why I couldn’t be enraptured away in the moment of sensuality and heightened passion. After all, I had waited and dreamt of ‘this out of this world experience’. I had even taught ladies about sexual matters...what in the world was going on with my body and ability to get it right? What more Lord? I wondered!
I am the same person who a few years earlier was praying that my Lord Jesus and the host of heavens to “would dry every sexual desire in me as I was going to visit” my D” who was my fiancé at that time and had relocated a few years earlier. Honestly I could “chop and clean mouth” o and no one would know. Quite frankly, it was the TEST OF MY FAITH.........I had preached keeping yourself, etc.........but this was my love that I had not seen in two years. I mean handsome, broad shoulders, lean butts, with pink lips (very kissable). I was remembering the smell of his perfume and his deep, quiet, I daresay sexy voice. I couldn’t believe I would see him for 3 weeks in flesh after him being gone for so long. ”Lord, can I do this??” I wanted to grab him at the airport as soon as I laid my eyes on him........my heart ached: Lord, how can you ask me to hold on. To keep the gift of my body wrapped??? Haaa...........Lord!!!!!!!
Babes, especially Christian chicks are caught in a dichotomy of the awesome embodiment of the concept of sexual experience. Sexuality connotes different things: sex, love making, f....!. How on earth can you use Sanctified with such a word?? A hot sizzling p....zy isn’t thinking sanctification? Really, you think so?? Are you sensual or sexual?! (Gist of another day)
Pillar One: No one has the right to go down there without owning the meter! That ‘meter’ is bought with a price. I once heard this: “ko si meter ni bee’ (means there is no meter in the vagina. SANCTIFIED SEXUALITY applies to everyone who desires to hold their temples in awe and sacredness unto the Lord and for their husband. A price that is absolutely priceless. It cannot be bought with money, gifts, trips abroad, diamonds, rubies, pearls, airtime (I mean, really, airtime?? Come on!) So chick, tell me what is your price? I hear some saying; “puleeaasee!! At least someone’s been down there and unlocked it. I am sure he is constantly servicing it...abeg make me sef enjoy the thing.” Hmnn...I WAITED NOT BECAUSE MY SEX TANK WAS DRY AND UNINTERESTED! GOD DID KEEP ME....I didn’t sleep with him. I asked for help and He helped me. I had my struggle with the kissing matter! Yes, we all struggle with something but we can and do overcome!!
MYTH: There are no virgins left on earth....just do it and get on with it.
Pillar Two: Ladies, the way we carry ourselves is very crucial. It spells sexuality or sensuality. When a man walks past us, what runs through his mind? Is it “I want to sleep with her or I’d like to hold her in my life forever?” We exude aromas...consciously or unconsciously. Our poises, the look, the walk, clothes, speech, pitch; everything speaks! It is called Considered-Dressing.”
MYTH: The experience of sex is only a copulating of genitals: penis and vagina.
Pillar Three: My friend calls our sex organs ‘THE ROD OF CORRECTION” and ‘WET TUNNEL’! I remember the first time I stepped out in my “birth suit’ into my wedding room....hmnn (gist). My body had been shaking....literally, expecting this day from the moment I had my first crush as a twelve year old pretty girl who was being chased by the HOTTEST boy on my street. (Yes o....holy sister B!!) Only grace can uphold your buckling knees in such situations. Scriptures says we are saved by grace. Sex is a big deal! I mean guys actually grow hard merely looking at a girl. I mean, how did the pregnant mad woman come about?.....rod entered tunnel na!
We hear and see the sex around and it feels like there is no reason to wait for the prince charming. Did someone hiss at the word WAIT?! Yes, wait I can hear a chick saying, “you who waited for 29 years for sex...cheap common sex, how did it benefit you? Big deal! Sex is for perverts. There is nothing godly about it. Once I have done it, it’s over.” On my wedding night, when I saw his “ROD OF CORRECTION” I almost passed out. Yee? God this is not what we discussed o....and you can imagine the drama..! Now I am loving it.
Pillar Four: Our bodies are truly beautifully crafted. We are wrapped gifts. We are delicate and need to be unwrapped with skill and patience. Who told us that the first taste of the pudding determines the entire meal. Love making is a rare gift that is served on a platter that tastes differently for each of us. I daresay, our bodies are like wine that tastes better after each sip. Babe, why are you allowing the bar tender to sip away at you? He is not the owner of this bar. He cannot pay for the meter; talk less of this ageless wine.
Sex is good; it’s better with the right person BUT best served at the right time...MARRIAGE! Full stop!!
Listen, it is worth the wait. Salivating leads us into trouble. You say, “I cannot but salivate when this baddest looking bobo walks past with his cologne trailing my nostrils”. Babe, if he is yours, he”ll stop and properly converse with you. Dating is for discourse NOT intercourse. Our anatomy depicts our two legs representing the pillars that keep the wrong man away. Close your legs. With buckling knees, stand up tall and walk past with your head high. Why settle for the bar tender who is trying to bribe his way into the tunnel when the real owner is a knock away?
SEX IS AWESOME! I DIDNT FIND OUT ON THE FIRST NIGHT...but after a few rampages with my D....wow!!!I make my demands now o.....I tell him, you can’t be tired. When he is sweating and tired.....omo.....I just start o! This calabar woman needs to “WORSHIP with her body.” The myth that tells us to taste the pudding before the meal starts so we’d know whether or not it is sweet does not hold true.
What if you’ve been sexually active?
Yes, I hear you say you have been sexually active since you can remember and you don’t see a way out.
- Place value on your body. A rumpled $50 is still worth every cent of fifty dollars. The point is will you allow this $50 be torn, used and thrown away? What are you saying to yourself? Babe, what is your worth??
- Can you be “naked but not ashamed” before another “sista whose got your back”? Can you be accountable to another?
- Trust God! God has your back and can hold you from going back to “his” bed. God is still in the business of keeping our bodies sanctified.
According to D (Daniel’s writing)
- Confidence: I believe guys are attracted to confident ladies – Confidence comes from preparation; knowing who you are in God. Being aware of your distinctive assets: looks, how you speak, boldness, kindness, etc. These assets make you stand out and irresistible. Men naturally gravitate towards the confident woman. Your asset is your swagger!
- Truthfulness and Sincerity: Guys tend to suspect chicks. No matter how holy or sanctified you are, he is expecting to see an element of falsehood. Your catch is speak the truth, live the truth and be sincere even when it hurts you. No man wants to lose such babes.
- She knows what she wants and does not need anyone to validate her person – Nothing is as attractive as a babe who knows what she wants in any situation; especially when she communicates this with a sense of assertiveness and not arrogance.
- Guys desire a woman that can say NO! .....This is the mother of all attractions. When a chick says no to a broda, it makes him want to push further. This stirs up his hunting instincts.
- State your turn on – Those in relationship should be honest enough with their partners to let them know what turns them on, so that he learns not to touch you in those places. For some, a mere touching of the feet by the opposite sex drives them crazy! What’s your turn on? We are not talking second or third base here (those are out of bounds!!!) that kind of info is for your husband; lest you be taken advantage of.
My dear sistas, you’ve heard it. The lady who desires to walk in sanctification should pay attention to these things. Keep the guys waiting for the unravelling of the mystery of your temple (your body and the wet tunnel). Look forward to the ‘solid rock’ when he gives you the bling bling...rings (wedding not only engagement ring). Omo, no ringie, no dingie o! Hebrews 13 v 4!!!!!
Dating with Integrity (John Holzmann; 1990). Wolgemuth & Hyatt, Publishers Inc.
5 Love Needs of Men & Women (Dr Gary & Barbara Rosberg, 2000). TYNDALE House Publishers
About our Authors
Daniel Enang is an engineer turned educator and information auditor. Currently, he drives an NGO, Joseph’s mandate that focuses on youth development. He is married to Bolanle who trained as real estate personnel. She is currently the Children’s pastor at St Stephen’s Anglican Church. They both love the Lord, his youth and children with incredible passion and live to be a blessing. They reside and work in Johannesburg, South Africa.