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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Becoming Whole Again by Pastor Dupe Lanre-Akinsiun

For the CHRISTIAN WOMAN struggling with sexual sins

Eph 2: 1-5
And you hath he QUICKENED, who were dead in trespasses and sins; Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience:  Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others. But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved)

The first thing I would like to say is “Thanks be unto God who always leads us in triumph”. We all know according to II Corinthian 5:17 that “if any man is in Christ he is a new creature, old things are passed away and behold all things have become new”. The man referred to in this verse is the REAL you: the inner man or your spirit man.
From scriptures we understand that Man has a three-fold nature as designed by God: Man is a spirit that lives in a body and he has a soul. God made man in his image and after his likeness and we understand that God is a spirit but for Man to live in the world he had to be put in a body which gives him the right to be on earth. The soul of Man is the seat of his will, emotions and intellect. Information is stored in the mind.

When we got born-again therefore, it was not the soul or the body that changed, it was us (our spirits) that changed. The old nature was removed and a new spirit was put within us. We lost every desire to sin. We became uncomfortable with sin.
At new birth, the soul and the body remained the same. We did not forget our names, neither did we change in complexion but a new light dawned in us. God however gave us a task as new creatures in Romans 12:1-2. He demands that we bring our minds in alignment with His word through a process called renewing of the mind. This is because the mind which is the seat of our will, emotions and intellect is filled with information that affects our decisions and character.

If you are born again, I am sure there was a point in our lives as individuals when we were not saved. We were not born again and so we were living our lives as we wanted and according to the dictates of the world. We were so void of God in our actions, words and thoughts and we yielded ourselves as instruments of different sins. Some of us through the association we had got introduced to pornography, reading sex-stimulating materials and discussions.

For me, most of my friends had boyfriends and so I did not see anything wrong in it. Infact, I looked forward to having one. Some were sexually abused and so lost their sense of restraint. Gradually, our minds in all these ways got polluted and so our emotions, decisions and subsequently character got affected such that the results we produced were marked with sex-related activities. They became comfortable to us. Things we would have morally frowned at became generally acceptable to us because we have eroded our defence through the associations and the information deposited in our mind.

I remember when I got into the higher institution, I was determined to go and have fun since I was going to be independent of my parents. Fun to me meant partying, hanging out with friends and generally fitting into an adult lifestyle I had always craved for moreso that there were no restrictions. I became my own god! Although I got into church, I did not allow God to get into me and I got into trouble! I got wrecked emotionally but just before I lost it all, God found me. He reached out to me. I could not have saved myself by myself; it required someone higher than me. His grace was. I remember a statement someone once made on how different I was from our first year on campus; it reflected how grace beautified my life. What happened to me?

The fellowship I joined on campus had a meeting with the founding pastor in Lagos and I was encouraged to come. I had already spoken to the pastor of the fellowship then of how despondent I was feeling in myself. I sought to have fun but FUN had me. The things I thought I had liberty to do held me prisoner to their wimps. The devil usually deceives us into thinking that living life according to the dictates of the flesh is a true expression of liberty where as it is not.

Infact, it is a trap because by the time you want to stop, you would realise how much hold such things have on you. I was sad, empty and lonely. I needed relationships to fill the void and I demanded it from people around me so much that they avoided me. I went for the meeting in Lagos and my life changed.
The man talked about purpose and I saw and discovered that there was a purpose for my existence. I cannot recall all that he said but what caught my attention was the fact that I actually risked my life on the road to go and listen to a man people said was anointed of God to raise lives in our generation! It dawned on me that if an ordinary man like me could be used of God, I would not be an exception. I went out that evening and responded to the call of God upon my life. I changed! I got back to school a different person. I realised how useless I lived my life and I told him I would live for him, my desire to have fun my way died and I wanted to find fun in Him.

One of the decisions I made back then was to reach out to people around me instead of waiting for people to come and keep me company whenever I felt lonely. A once melancholic me became a sanguine for God. I contacted God and guess what? He reached out to me in love. Praise God for salvation but how do we receive strength over subsequent temptations? How do we deal with guilt that comes when we fall into temptation?

Dear, after we are saved we still have work to do. It is not a hard work but a labour that would lead us into our rest. Condemnation usually comes within or without and by that I mean it could be self-condemnation or condemnation from people who are aware of this past and use it to taunt. God will never condemn you as a new creation in Christ Jesus, He has NEVER and you will not be the first. The devil is the one who condemns and the word of God is what you will use to cast down ANY and EVERY argument against you.
So how do you find your way out of sexual sin and become whole again?
  1. Stand on God’s Word: Now that you are a new creation, Rom 8:1 and 33 says “there is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth”. Thoughts will come and people will talk but God’s word is what we are to stand on.
2. Praying in the spirit is another way by which we can stay strong in God. Paul prayed in Eph 3:16 saying “That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man”. Praying in the spirit builds strength into you and builds capacity to resist temptation into you

3. Renewing of your mind: Another thing we need to do is to renew our minds according to Rom 12:2  which says “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God”. Remember it was the information you once got from wrong and polluted sources and experiences we allowed to overwhelm us that got us to where we found ourselves so we need to flush out these things with the word of God. For people who were brain-washed by friends, media etc, we need to discover the beauty God has placed in us as believers and what God expects of us accordingly.

Knowing who we are in Christ helps us greatly in how we conduct ourselves as believers. Reading relevant materials on emotional healing would also help. (I read God’s Leading Lady, Lay Aside the Weight and Woman Thou Art Loosed by Bishop T.D. Jakes. Forgetting the Past by Bob Grass helped too).

4. The Power of Accountability: Getting accountable to trusted believer would help us bring light into the situation. Sin thrives in darkness but looses its power when exposed. We are to, according to Eph 5:21 submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God. So be authentic and honest to share your sexual struggles with a trusted spiritual friend, so you can stand together and gain strength that comes from purposeful partnership.

5. Committed Service: Another major help would be to get involved with God by becoming committed in a living church and in spreading the gospel. Living your life for God heals your mind of every sense of worthlessness that sin has brought to you and gives you a strong sense of purpose and relevance to God in this generation.

Pastor Dupe Lanre-Akinsiun is an ordained Pastor with the Kingsword International Church as well as a professional services consultant. She is married with twins and continually maximizes platforms to reach out to the youth, women and those in need of inspiration. She can be reached on dupe.osho@gmail.com

The Sex Series is an online bible class where God's perspective on the subject of sex is taught in a no holds barred style
 www.thesexseries.blogspot.com, thesexseries@gmail.com

Friday, August 12, 2011

MASTERING MASTURBATION by Doctor Wale Funsho

Wow! I never imagined that the thoughts of my heart, when given a little voice could elicit such responses as I have had from the topic. Although I admit it is a very controversial topic, all I stated in the last write-up was my opinion based on what the Spirit of God revealed me to.
Firstly I must apologise for not giving a definition to masturbation in the first part (I never even knew there would be a second part!)- my bad. I assumed everyone already knew what I was talking about since it was so common a phenomenon, an open secret actually.

Secondly, much as I value every comment made, the whole essence of the piece was not to bring condemnation to the doorsteps of anyone, but to let all know that something might actually be wrong with what might have been considered safe all along. Like Jesus faced the woman caught in the act of adultery when He asked her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” (John 8:10-11 NKJV) The same way I stand to declare to all caught in its web to go and sin no more.

Like I said, I got very good opinions pointing out the fact that I didn’t mention step by step means (or method) of how to be delivered from the claws of masturbation (if it has any) and I intend to address such points here to the best of my ability.
I don’t want to talk as an authority on the subject and neither do I want to sound hypocritical in my approach to it as many times I have found out that people who criticize some matters the most with strong expressions of opposition and vehemence are actually guilty of such matters! They tend to indirectly talk to themselves without having a way out for themselves.

Defining Masturbation
To start with, let me attempt to define masturbation so that we don’t confuse it with some other things. According to Encarta dictionary, it means “to give yourself or somebody else sexual pleasure by stroking the genitals, usually to orgasm” while oxford dictionary says “it is to stimulate the genitals with the hand.” These definitions differ from homosexuality or lesbianism, although it could be practiced in any of the settings.

While homosexuality refers to sexual relations between or among men, lesbianism refers to sexual relations between or among women. Stroking could be with the hands or vibrators (and other sex toys) as is seen today, like some guys who buy female dolls with vagina (you know for what purpose! And did I just catch you say eww?) and girls who buy vibrators for clitoral stimulation. How different are these from hand stimulation? A bit refined though! But does that excuse the fact that the sacred has been abused? Let’s brood on that.

Masturbation in Marriage
Care should also be taken not to confuse genital stimulation by one’s spouse with masturbation as that in itself is part of the sexual relations between a husband and wife and this could occur in foreplay. But a situation where the one person now resorts to solo sex, possibly because of the unavailability of the spouse, is he/she excused from that wrong? No! Because by doing so, he/she has reduced the sex partner to a mere fantasy because hardly will anyone masturbate without having a sexual fantasy and the married ones may be tempted to think that they are not committing adultery since their fantasy is with their spouses! Wrong again. The error in this thinking is that such people do not realize that with time, they do not get as much pleasure from their spouse as they derive from solo sex and as such look forward to the solo sex rather than a healthy sexual relations with their spouse. To me, that’s a form of idolatry (that’s just my own thinking!)

Mastering Masturbation
That aside, how does a person master masturbation? That’s the one million dollar (or naira) question. My answer? I wish I knew. Don’t get me wrong by thinking I have no solution to this question, but what I may not have is the step by step method of being free. Follow me in my reasoning, if you please. I appreciate the fact that many are ‘hooked’ and want to be free. Our parents haven’t made it easy at all (because we were not thoroughly lectured on sex and possible perversions) and the church has not made it any better because they wield the gavel of judgment without showing the way out! We‘re only told things like this are wrong but hardly taught what to do to get out of the ‘prison’ but I in turn, fear such teachings because our ‘teachers’ are quickly overtaken by legalism and impose the ‘touch not, taste not, handle not’ doctrine.
I want to jump to say, “if you follow these steps, it’s d way out,” but the God I’ve come to know doesn’t work that way. In any case, many may not see things from my point of view, believing as far as they are concerned, that masturbation is God’s way of protecting them from fornication, but each time they indulged in it, they are weighed down by guilt. What is the way out?

I know I made reference to the fact that I was caught in the web of masturbation for a long time but people want to know how I broke free, the methods I followed, so they could be free. I will tell you, but let me disappoint you before reading on that it is not a step by step approach. Let me quickly point out here that Jesus, when he walked the earth, healed blindness in three different ways and drove out demons in different ways. I believe that when it comes to the issues of masturbation, being free is not limited to a particular step.

A Simple Heartfelt Prayer
Each time I masturbated, my heart would condemn me and I repented many times only to find myself in the same boat (hope I’m speaking your mind too). The way out for me was simple though I found it after a long time. Suffice it to say that deliverance services and altar calls did not do it, neither did fastings, but a simple heartfelt prayer with a determination to die did the trick. When I said the determination to die, I meant it.
The Lord opened my eyes to a scriptures that, when added to my desire, set me free. He said, “You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.” (Hebrews 12:4) By this He meant that sin does not thrive in death. A dead man cannot sin and if I consider myself dead or I bind myself with the oath of death should I commit sin, then sin will no longer be an issue. Sin finds root where desire is fanned.

I felt a burden roll away and immediately I did away with anything that contained any form of sensuality or nudity especially movies and guess what? The desire to masturbate is just no longer there. Does it mean I cannot fall into the trap again? Of course I can if I allow myself to be exposed to the ‘allergens’ but I have learnt from Apostle Paul that, "...whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- (I should) meditate on these things." Philippians 4:8 (Emphasis mine)

The way out will be different for everyone
My point here is that the way God dealt with me would obviously be different from the way He would deal with another of His child. For some, He may require fasting, for others, He may require deliverance; God’s ways are mysterious but all I would say is that once we take our issues to Calvary, there’s always help for us provided we go with an open heart and a strong determination never to return. So for a divorced, single, or married person with distant relationship with the spouse, who wants to be free, the single most important criterion is to have an avid desire for freedom; that, the Father will not turn down.

With broken cord and shouts of victory, many cheers!

Wale Funsho, a medical doctor by training, is a teacher of the Word, who currently pastors the Faith Assembly Parish of the Redeemed Christian Church of God in Abuja.
He has a God-given mandate to impact his generation, especially the youths at all levels, bringing to bare true life issues as he leads them through the maze of life by the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
He is married to Abimbola and they are blessed with two children- Temiloluwa and Daniel.
He can be reached on walefunsho@yahoo.com

The Sex Series is an online bible class where God's perspective on the subject of sex is taught in a no holds barred style
 www.thesexseries.blogspot.com, thesexseries@gmail.com

Monday, August 8, 2011

The Sex Series, Class 5, WHAT’S WRONG WITH MASTURBATION by Doctor Wale Funsho


The topic on masturbation is one which has generated a lot of controversies in the body of Christ; more so, since the Bible seem silent about the topic. While some dismiss the act as a normal part of a guy’s life (and the lady too), many others are crushed under the weight of guilt and they ask themselves whether they will ever be free. If I am in any way correct, masturbation and Christian are two words that have not been found to get along very well.

This brings to mind the big question, “Is there anything wrong with masturbation?” and if there is, what is wrong with it? I will not be in a hurry to say “Yes” or “No” but will want you to follow my line of reasoning, after all, we are entitled to our own opinion and mine is being explored here.

There are diverse opinions on the concept of masturbation and care be taken not put a stamp on the correctness or wrongness of it simply because from ones stand point, he/she wants it to be either right or wrong. Almost everyone will say that since the Bible is silent about the topic, we cannot speak for God in the determination of the goodness or evil of masturbation, but like Apostle Paul said, “…I think I also have the Spirit of God.”1

Depending on the research one reads anywhere, between 85-95% of men report that they masturbate once a month and 40-80% of women.2 Now, with such a large number of people involved in this, what could possibly be wrong about it?
Several philosophies have been held on the issue of masturbation ranging from the way the culture viewed it to the way Medical science and the church also viewed it. Initially, Hippocrates, the father of modern medicine was of the opinion that loss of semen, especially through masturbation weakened one and made him prone to disease and even death. The new thinking is that masturbation helps an individual discover his sexuality, reduces the risk of developing Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), relieves sexual tension, prevents the possible occurrence of prostate cancer in the males and reduces menstrual cramps in women3 as well as  itchiness and dryness in menopausal women.4

They however admitted that it could cause among other things, fatigue, groin pain and premature ejaculations.5 What seems to amaze me about the topic is the transition from terrifyingly evil to very safe and in fact beneficial to the well being of all. But being the conservative that I am, I tend to support the fact that there may be something wrong with masturbation. I agree that the Bible is silent on the issue of masturbation but are there not other issues that the same Bible is silent about and does this silence make them any good for us?  Some have said that the Bible is very explicit about intoxicating drinks but makes no mention of cigarette smoking, but we all know its potential ‘benefits’.

On the WebMD.com site they have an article entitled "Sexual Health Guide to masturbation." In the article they claim the following in regards to the ethics of masturbation, “While it once was regarded as a perversion and a sign of a mental problem, masturbation now is regarded as a normal, healthy sexual activity that is pleasant, fulfilling, acceptable and safe. It is a good way to experience sexual pleasure and can be done throughout life.” With the rise in pornography in the world this view point is understandable. Even as short as 50 years ago the idea of pornography was taboo, but as our culture has moved further and further down the road of the "sexual revolution" we have seen this view point shift. One is now abnormal if they in fact are not viewing pornography, and most masturbation is accompanied by the viewing of pornographic material.2

God created sex to be enjoyed, but within the limits of marriage. Any sexual activity outside that limits is considered lascivious and unclean by the scriptures.6 The categorical statement of Jesus on the issue of lust explains a lot on the issue for how is it possible for anyone to masturbate without having a preconceived sexual object of fantasy to take the person to heights of pleasure only he/she can experience?7 Like stated above, with the advent of sexual revolution and many people going into masturbation, few are so apt to talk about it because no matter how encouraging the new discoveries are about the benefits and safety of masturbation (solo sex), the police of the soul deep down criticises that act whenever indulged in.

For someone craving sex to resort to solitary sex is like a starving man enjoying the aroma of food that he cannot eat. The smell might be pleasurable, but ultimately it only increases the starving person’s torment.4
I started masturbating at an early age because I was exposed to a lot of things which a boy of my age shouldn’t know. But what could I do? In a house that accommodates extended family members, the security measures of the master of the house may be inadequate in ‘safeguarding’ the lives of the occupants of the house, especially the young ‘uns.’ My uncle came to live with us then, one of my father’s younger brothers and he stayed in the same room which I stayed. He was with us for years, thinking probably that he was doing his thing and we ours.

One day, he left a magazine (he sort of forgot to take it) and I saw ‘strange things in it, how that the penis could be used for things other than ‘peeing’. Unfortunately, we also had a house-help (be careful with your children when you decide to get one) who decided to show me what they were doing in the porn magazine. That was how it started. I was severally abused by house-helps thinking I was doing natural things that the book showed. So, when the helps left, I got hooked on masturbation. Any time I wanted to masturbate, I had to create an erotic scene in my mind, not knowing that I was committing adultery time and again, but when I grew old enough to know, I was stuck and guilt would not let me go.
According to Johann Christoph Arnold, “The so-called lines typically drawn between pornography, masturbation, one-night stands, and prostitution are actually an illusion. All of them are means used to attain sexual satisfaction without the “burden” of commitment. All reduce the mystery of sex to a technique for satisfying lust. And all of them are shameful – the secrecy of those who indulge in them betrays that fact more clearly than anything else.4, 8

God delivered me, and I am free. Free from the thought that I continuously violate the body God has given me for selfish reasons and that I can live with a conscience delivered from guilt. Don’t be deceived into thinking it’s all right to treat the sacred with contempt. Whoremongers and adulterers, God will judge!9 Do I think anything is  wrong with masturbation? I think everything is wrong with it! But should you disagree with my view point, ask yourself this before you do it again, “What if at the gate of heaven it is discovered that masturbation is abhorred by God, will it be that singular act that will negate your life-long commitment to God and send you to an eternal torment?” If giving it up the benefit of doubt to the Lord is what might save you ultimately, why not give it up now and not wait till when it might be too late?

With lots of love and certain assurance of heaven, remain blessed!

References
1.       1Corinthians 740
2.       A Christian View of Masturbation  www.scribd.com/mobile/documents/4000341 
3.      Masturbation:Current medical opinions www.religioustolerance.org/masturba1.htm 
4.      The Morality of Masturbating; Towards a Christian View of Sexual Self-Stimulation Part 3: Masturbation: A Threat To One’s Marriage? www.net-burst.net/sexuality/masturbating.htm
5.      What are the side effects of masturbation from medical point of view? http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061106220827AAZH0Te
6.      Mark 720-22; 2Corinthians 1221; Galatians 519; Ephesians 53-5; Colossians 35.
7.      Matthew 528
8.      Romans 1312-13
9.      Hebrews 135, 1Corinthians 316-17


Wale Funsho, a medical doctor by training, is a teacher of the Word, who currently pastors the Faith Assembly Parish of the Redeemed Christian Church of God in Abuja.
He has a God-given mandate to impact his generation, especially the youths at all levels, bringing to bare true life issues as he leads them through the maze of life by the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
He is married to Abimbola and they are blessed with two children- Temiloluwa and Daniel.
He can be reached on walefunsho@yahoo.com

The Sex Series is an online bible class where God's perspective on the subject of sex is taught in a no holds barred style
 www.thesexseries.blogspot.com, thesexseries@gmail.com

Friday, July 29, 2011

ACHIEVING SEXUAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE by Doctor Gbenga Adebayo, Part 2

The Sex Series is back!!!
We conclude Doctor Gbenga Adebayo's Class on Achieving Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.

4.       SheMyth: It is my husband’s job to satisfy me in bed
This is a rather common myth. It is perpetuated in kind by the widespread belief that the bed is an arena where men conquer women. They have heard many tales on the “exploits” of men in the bedroom. So many women enter marriage expecting their husband to also do exploits on them. Unfortunately for the vast majority, this expectation is dashed.

The Fact: Either female or male, the most important factor in your sexual gratification is you. Should you not want it, there is little anyone can do to make you a sexually fulfilled person. You cannot be an inactive passenger in the journey to sexually bliss. You have to be an active co-pilot. Tell your husband what you want and when you want it. It may surprise you, but many men are clueless on what really pleases their wives. Make your husband one of the educated lovers. Encourage him with sounds and moans of pleasure when he does the right things. Guide his hands when they are going astray. Guide his thrusts. Should he ejaculate before you have had your fill, try not to hiss. Express your disappointment in a sexy loving way and help him have another erection. For many men, the second erection lasts much longer than the first.

Take charge of your “sexual destiny” today. Change your mentality. You are not a passenger. You are a co-pilot.

5.       SheMyth: He may not like how I look naked

I have found out that many women don’t like how they look naked. They wish they looked like someone other than themselves. In fact, many women cannot boldly stand in front of a full-length mirror and look at (if not admire) their own bodies. There are many reasons why this is so, but that is not the subject of discussion today. The issue is that many women believe the man in their lives also share this dislike of their delicate anatomy. They wonder and are tormented by the thought of what their partner (and even the society at large) thinks about their bodies. They are tormented by questions like: “...are my hips wide enough?”, “...are my breasts sagging?”, “...my buttocks are not round enough”, my legs are too thin or too fat”,  .........(fill in the blank spaces).

The Fact: As far as sexual intercourse goes, most men don’t notice many physical things women are worried about. The more important things for a man in a sexual relationship is the enthusiasm of his partner and how well she satisfies the need to him to feel he is able to satisfy “his woman”. Some men will leave their fine “figure-8” wife at home and actually pay money to have sex with a short-fat-pudgy looking prostitute. As far as they are concerned, what the “ugly” prostitute may lack in beauty she more than makes up for in attitude, confidence, and enthusiasm (got that acronym? ACE. Memorize it! © Dr. Gbenga Adebayo)

I am not saying you shouldn’t strive to look the best you possibly can. No that is very far from my point. Practice hygiene. Look your best always. Dress smartly and in beautiful clothes. There is sexy lingerie for women of all sizes. Get a few. Exercise and live a healthy lifestyle.

Please stop worrying about what is or not about your body. Take charge of your bedroom. Your ACE (attitude, confidence, and enthusiasm) are more important.

7.       HeSheMyth: Great sex is not for everyone

Please let me ask you: why do you have sex? Some people see sexual intercourse as a task that must be performed to keep the devil at bay. Some others believe sex is only intended for procreation needs only and as such couples should have sex only when they want to have children.

I believe sex is a great gift God has given couples for primarily for enjoyment and consequentially for procreation. Sex is to be enjoyed. You can have a great sexual life with your partner if you both commit to pleasuring one another.

Great sex may be hard work (which is not tied to the bedroom!), but it is a rewarding work. You can enjoy sex every single time. Yes. Every single time you can have heart-pounding-heavy-panting-wild-shouting sex!

Dr. Adebayo, a physician, is the Chief Executive Officer of Livinghealth International. He is a Consultant on Health and Wellness Solutions as well as Leadership and Soft-People Skills to many organisations and government parastatals. His consultancy and training clientele consists of firms in the Oil and Gas, Financial, Advertising, Educational, Consulting, and Health Safety & Environment (HSE) sectors as well as Faith Based Organizations and Public Institutions. He is passionate about helping organizations and institutions bridge the divide and find the connection between health and productivity. He is a member of the Governing Council of the Emergency, Crisis, and Risk Management Institute of Nigeria.

Send your questions and comments to adebayo@livinghealth.com.ng
www.gbengaadebayo.com

The Sex Series is an online bible class where God's perspective on the subject of sex is taught in a no holds barred style
 www.thesexseries.blogspot.com, thesexseries@gmail.com

Thursday, June 30, 2011

ACHIEVING SEXUAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE by Doctor Gbenga Adebayo



Note: This article is written with only married couples in mind.

Please permit me to ask you a question: who was your very first instructor on sex? By instructor I mean the very first source that you could understand that opened your mind to what human sexual intercourse is all about.  Your parents? A cousin? A friend? A magazine? A movie? If you are like most people I know, odds are you were introduced to sex not by your parents. I don’t also think it was done by someone who sat you down and in a rational, calm, and open way discussed what sex intercourse was all about.

From that very first introduction, you most probably would have had many “instructors” over the years gone by. With different sources of information, you have now come to possess a body of knowledge on the very germane issue of sex. Now let me ask another question: How confident are you about the veracity of your very own “gospel of sex” (please forgive the pun)?

Sexual intercourse is easily the most common night-time (some will say even daytime) activity all over the world. You don’t need to look very far to see a reference (subtle or otherwise) to the sexuality of us all. From clothes, to books, films, music, television, and all kinds of merchandise, references to sex and sexuality abound.
One would think that given the centrality and overwhelming visibility of sexuality in our modern-day society, most people should have factual knowledge on the act of sexual intercourse. But this is not so. Many people are totally clueless on the medical and social facts of sexual relations. Many myths abound as false knowledge and are widely accepted and disseminated as gospel truth. The end result of this is many are unsatisfied with their sexual adventure in life. This is so sad. Sexual intercourse can be very beautiful experience every single time.

My surveys of couples that have attended Livinghealth International School of Intimacy reveal that many couples are finding it very difficult achieving true sexual intimacy. In fact many have given up on pursing (not to talk of achieving) this ideal. For them, sexual intercourse has become a chore that must be dutifully performed. Some have even abandoned sex. I know a couple that have not had sex in 6 months! (I think the guy deserves an award.)

One of the hindrances to achieving sexual intimacy in my opinion are myths about sex. So rather attempting in this article to tell you how to touch and satisfy your wife or husband (don’t worry, in case you don’t know how, I will attempt to do that in another article), I want us to clear a few of the pervasive myths around.

Let’s look at a few of these myths.
1.        HeMyth: Size Matters
In my opinion, this is about the biggest pervasive myth men habour. There is in fact a whole industry built around fanning and milking this myth with great commercial success. From creams, to pumps and other contraptions, and various 100 %-“natural”-with-no-side-effect remedies, all have one thing in common: bogus claims to add length to your penis.

The Fact: The erect penis of 90% of men is 5-6 inches long and 4-5 inches thick irrespective of size when flaccid. If your penis is more than 2 inches long, you are more than adequately endowed to give pleasure to your partner. Why? The most sensitive part of the female vagina is just 2 inches long. In fact, a very big penis is a sexual nightmare for many women. It touches places not meant to be touched and can be a source of great discomfort and even severe pain.

A woman can be brought to orgasm (i.e. peak of sexual ecstasy) with even a little finger. I am positive you can achieve the same with your partner with whatever size your penis is. My survey in our School of Intimacy shows that while many men are worried about the sizes of their penises, their partners are more than thrilled with them.

On those creams, pumps and contraptions, and 100 %-“natural”-with-no-side-effect remedies, stop wasting your money. They are not effective.

2.       HeMyth: Women Like it Rough
You saw it in a movie. The lady was begging for it harder. The man was banging away. The lady was shouting and asking for more. The man became very aggressive and starting pumping like a train. With one great shout, calling her partner by name, she convulsed with pleasure. You thoroughly envied the man. Mama Thomas had never called your name before. In fact she hardly ever makes a sound. So you thought to yourself, I will do that with Mama Thomas next time. She must shout my name like that girl did. I am going to perform like a train. So the day arrived. You bought a small gift for Mama Thomas. You smiled and touched all the right keys and reached all the right notes. Strangely enough Mama Thomas also seemed in the mood that night.  Unknown to you, it was on account of the small gift and the little kindness you showed her all day long. So the action began and it seemed to be going well until you started to behave like a train. Mama Thomas shouted in pain, and pushed you off. Film over. Disappointment all around.

This myth amongst men stems from the way they experience pleasure and the way sexual intercourse is portrayed in pornography. A masturbating man easily evokes an image of a train. So many men feel if it takes more power and “action” to bring them to ecstasy, it must also be the same for their partners. This is not the case.

The Fact: The more sensitive parts (e.g. clitoris and vaginal) of the female anatomy are lines with sensitive and delicate “skin”. Too much roughness will result in pain rather than pleasure. Take your time. Follow her rhythm. Get her wet. A soft touch many a times may achieve much more than a violent thrust.

3.       HeMyth: I want her, she must want me too
A man can be angry. Very angry with his wife. He knows she is also very angry with him. So they are both angry. Yet she comes out of the bathroom. He spies her breasts through the short towel. He looks at her curves still feeling the anger thumping in his chest. Suddenly that is not the only thing thumping anymore. Something else starts to thump below. Before long, “Willie-Willie” (oh the funny names men give their penises!) is at full attention! He approaches her and she asks incredulously,”...please where is this coming from? You must be joking! Are we not fighting?” He can’t understand it. But he wants her in spite of his anger.

The Fact: Men and women are simply wired differently as far as arousal and sexual desires are concerned. This is not to say that all men when angry will still want to have sex with their wives. Certainly not. The point is that the desire path and curve in men and women are different. You will do well to bear this in mind. You probably have heard that men are stimulated by sight and women by words. This is one application of that fact. Hopefully someday we will look at this in more details.

4.      SheMyth: Men always want sex
This is arguably a forgivable myth. You have probably heard it said time and time again, “...all men think about is sex”. So you have come to accept it as the truth. That may even be your experience as far as relationships with the opposite sex go. It may be that all the men you have hitherto related with had only one goal in mind: get into a bed with you. So in marriage, when your husband appears not to be interested in you sexually anymore, you think the worst: he has a mistress outside, or he is becoming impotent.

The Fact: Men are averagely more “sexed-up” than women. By that I mean that the sexual appetite of the average man is more than the average woman. That is not to say that the more sexually demanding partner in relationship is always the man. It may be the woman. But more commonly it is the man.

Men however do not always think about sex neither are they always ready to have sex. In a loving and faithful marriage, there may be times when the man is either unable or unwilling to have sex.  The reasons for these may include tiredness. Yes! A man can also be tired. It may also be beyond simple tiredness. There are medical conditions that can affect a man’s libido. Social conditions can also affect a responsible man’s libido. I tell you it is possible for the next batch of School fees combined with rent payment can weigh so heavily on a man’s mind that he may not be able to perform as he should.  Someone has walked into my consulting room with such a condition. For other men, a habit of the wife may be the turn-off.

Maintain an open communication line with your husband. Don’t take the libido of your husband for granted. Some things can turn it off.

* TO BE CONTINUED IN PART TWO of THIS CLASS.

Licensed to: The Sex Series.
All rights reserved ©Dr Gbenga Adebayo www.gbengaadebayo.com . 2011.
Doctor Gbenga Adebayo's full profile and contact details will be made available by the second and concluding part of this class!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

TEMPLE MATTERS by Bolanle and Daniel Enang

“ TEMPLE MATTERS” (SANCTIFIED SEXUALITY for Ladies) by Bolanle & Daniel Enang


‘I hate sex”! I blurted out to the bewilderment of my ‘D’ on that Friday night in the midst of our new friends.  I had never seen my sweetness look so shocked, embarrassed and humiliated! I am known for my frankness and bluntness; but this was way out of line.......or was it? Was it really?! I didn’t understand why I couldn’t be enraptured away in the moment of sensuality and heightened passion. After all, I had waited and dreamt of ‘this out of this world experience’. I had even taught ladies about sexual matters...what in the world was going on with my body and ability to get it right? What more Lord? I wondered!

I am the same person who a few years earlier was praying that my Lord Jesus and the host of heavens to “would dry every sexual desire in me as I was going to visit” my D” who was my fiancĂ© at that time and had relocated a few years earlier. Honestly I could “chop and clean mouth” o and no one would know. Quite frankly, it was the TEST OF MY FAITH.........I had preached keeping yourself, etc.........but this was my love that I had not seen in two years. I mean handsome, broad shoulders, lean butts, with pink lips (very kissable). I was remembering the smell of his perfume and his deep, quiet, I daresay sexy voice. I couldn’t believe I would see him for 3 weeks in flesh after him being gone for so long. ”Lord, can I do this??” I wanted to grab him at the airport as soon as I laid my eyes on him........my heart ached: Lord, how can you ask me to hold on. To keep the gift of my body wrapped??? Haaa...........Lord!!!!!!!

Babes, especially Christian chicks are caught in a dichotomy of the awesome embodiment of the concept of sexual experience. Sexuality connotes different things: sex, love making, f....!. How on earth can you use Sanctified with such a word?? A hot sizzling p....zy isn’t thinking sanctification? Really, you think so?? Are you sensual or sexual?! (Gist of another day)

Pillar One: No one has the right to go down there without owning the meter! That ‘meter’ is bought with a price. I once heard this:  “ko si meter ni bee’ (means there is no meter in the vagina. SANCTIFIED SEXUALITY applies to everyone who desires to hold their temples in awe and sacredness unto the Lord and for their husband. A price that is absolutely priceless. It cannot be bought with money, gifts, trips abroad, diamonds, rubies, pearls, airtime (I mean, really, airtime?? Come on!) So chick, tell me what is your price? I hear some saying; “puleeaasee!! At least someone’s been down there and unlocked it. I am sure he is constantly servicing it...abeg make me sef enjoy the thing.” Hmnn...I WAITED NOT BECAUSE MY SEX TANK WAS DRY AND UNINTERESTED! GOD DID KEEP ME....I didn’t sleep with him. I asked for help and He helped me. I had my struggle with the kissing matter! Yes, we all struggle with something but we can and do overcome!!
MYTH: There are no virgins left on earth....just do it and get on with it.

Pillar Two: Ladies, the way we carry ourselves is very crucial. It spells sexuality or sensuality. When a man walks past us, what runs through his mind? Is it “I want to sleep with her or I’d like to hold her in my life forever?” We exude aromas...consciously or unconsciously. Our poises, the look, the walk, clothes, speech, pitch; everything speaks! It is called Considered-Dressing.”  
MYTH:  The experience of sex is only a copulating of genitals: penis and vagina.

Pillar Three: My friend calls our sex organs ‘THE ROD OF CORRECTION” and ‘WET TUNNEL’! I remember the first time I stepped out in my “birth suit’ into my wedding room....hmnn (gist). My body had been shaking....literally, expecting this day from the moment I had my first crush as a twelve year old pretty girl who was being chased by the HOTTEST boy on my street. (Yes o....holy sister B!!) Only grace can uphold your buckling knees in such situations. Scriptures says we are saved by grace. Sex is a big deal! I mean guys actually grow hard merely looking at a girl. I mean, how did the pregnant mad woman come about?.....rod entered tunnel na!
We hear and see the sex around and it feels like there is no reason to wait for the prince charming. Did someone hiss at the word WAIT?! Yes, wait I can hear a chick saying, “you who waited for 29 years for sex...cheap common sex, how did it benefit you? Big deal! Sex is for perverts. There is nothing godly about it. Once I have done it, it’s over.”  On my wedding night, when I saw his “ROD OF CORRECTION” I almost passed out.  Yee? God this is not what we discussed o....and you can imagine the drama..! Now I am loving it.

Pillar Four: Our bodies are truly beautifully crafted. We are wrapped gifts. We are delicate and need to be unwrapped with skill and patience. Who told us that the first taste of the pudding determines the entire meal. Love making is a rare gift that is served on a platter that tastes differently for each of us. I daresay, our bodies are like wine that tastes better after each sip. Babe, why are you allowing the bar tender to sip away at you? He is not the owner of this bar. He cannot pay for the meter; talk less of this ageless wine.
Sex is good; it’s better with the right person BUT best served at the right time...MARRIAGE! Full stop!!

Listen, it is worth the wait. Salivating leads us into trouble. You say, “I cannot but salivate when this baddest looking bobo walks past with his cologne trailing my nostrils”. Babe, if he is yours, he”ll stop and properly converse with you. Dating is for discourse NOT intercourse. Our anatomy depicts our two legs representing the pillars that keep the wrong man away. Close your legs. With buckling knees, stand up tall and walk past with your head high. Why settle for the bar tender who is trying to bribe his way into the tunnel when the real owner is a knock away?

SEX IS AWESOME! I DIDNT FIND OUT ON THE FIRST NIGHT...but after a few rampages with my D....wow!!!I make my demands now o.....I tell him, you can’t be tired. When he is sweating and tired.....omo.....I just start o! This calabar woman needs to “WORSHIP with her body.”  The myth that tells us to taste the pudding before the meal starts so we’d know whether or not it is sweet does not hold true.

What if you’ve been sexually active?
Yes, I hear you say you have been sexually active since you can remember and you don’t see a way out.
  1. Place value on your body. A rumpled $50 is still worth every cent of fifty dollars. The point is will you allow this $50 be torn, used and thrown away? What are you saying to yourself? Babe, what is your worth??
  2. Can you be “naked but not ashamed” before another “sista whose got your back”? Can you be accountable to another?
  3. Trust God! God has your back and can hold you from going back to “his” bed. God is still in the business of keeping our bodies sanctified.

 According to D (Daniel’s writing)
  • Confidence: I believe guys are attracted to confident ladies – Confidence comes from preparation; knowing who you are in God. Being aware of your distinctive assets: looks, how you speak, boldness, kindness, etc. These assets make you stand out and irresistible. Men naturally gravitate towards the confident woman. Your asset is your swagger!
  • Truthfulness and Sincerity: Guys tend to suspect chicks. No matter how holy or sanctified you are, he is expecting to see an element of falsehood. Your catch is speak the truth, live the truth and be sincere even when it hurts you. No man wants to lose such babes.
  • She knows what she wants and does not need anyone to validate her person – Nothing is as attractive as a babe who knows what she wants in any situation; especially when she communicates this with a sense of assertiveness and not arrogance.
  • Guys desire a woman that can say NO! .....This is the mother of all attractions. When a chick says no to a broda, it makes him want to push further.  This stirs up his hunting instincts.
  • State your turn on – Those in relationship should be honest enough with their partners to let them know what turns them on, so that he learns not to touch you in those places. For some, a mere touching of the feet by the opposite sex drives them crazy! What’s your turn on? We are not talking second or third base here (those are out of bounds!!!) that kind of info is for your husband; lest you be taken advantage of.

My dear sistas, you’ve heard it. The lady who desires to walk in sanctification should pay attention to these things. Keep the guys waiting for the unravelling of the mystery of your temple (your body and the wet tunnel). Look forward to the ‘solid rock’ when he gives you the bling bling...rings (wedding not only engagement ring). Omo, no ringie, no dingie o! Hebrews 13 v 4!!!!!

Other Resources
Dating with Integrity (John Holzmann; 1990). Wolgemuth & Hyatt, Publishers Inc.
5 Love Needs of Men & Women (Dr Gary & Barbara Rosberg, 2000). TYNDALE House Publishers

About our Authors
Daniel Enang is an engineer turned educator and information auditor. Currently, he drives an NGO, Joseph’s mandate that focuses on youth development. He is married to Bolanle who trained as real estate personnel. She is currently the Children’s pastor at St Stephen’s Anglican Church. They both love the Lord, his youth and children with incredible passion and live to be a blessing. They reside and work in Johannesburg, South Africa.

Monday, June 6, 2011

I CAN DO BAD ALL BY MYSELF by Pastor Muyiwa Areo

I CAN DO BAD ALL BY MYSELF (SANCTIFIED SEXUALITY for Single Men!)

EXPLICIT CONTENT, PASTORAL ADVISORY. STRONG LANGUAGE USED

Hmmn, I have been asked to discuss on sanctified sexuality…gosh! What a relieve. Thank God I wasn’t giving a topic such as sanctified virginity. It would have meant writing from a second person’s point of view because I am not one! Had my first sexual experience in primary 3 and if you had such early exposure to an addictive act like sex, you can imagine how difficult it could be to stop.
This background is necessary for what I am about to delve into. It helps understand that such a start at life disqualifies me from the stone throwing business. I hold in my hand, not a gavel to judge but rather a life-line to save and I pray you grab it.

I have this friend who told me something crazy she once did. She had dated this guy for a while and this fellow just doesn’t show any sign of arousal when with her. First she assumed he wasn’t attracted to her but she soon realized that wasn’t true. Then one day like Archimedes, she had a eureka moment.”HE DOESN’T HAVE A PENIS!” she said to herself. So to confirm her discovery she embarked on an adventure to prove her theory of “ flirtation”  ah sorry floatation. Since all guys flirt with their babes, she assumed. Finally the opportunity presented itself. He had just said something humorous and then she faked this hysterical laughter and intentionally swung her hand and hit him at the spot she believes JT should be….I am sure you know the rest. NO? hanhan what kind of imagination do you have sef! Of course the guy buckled and screamed grabbing his pant and letting out a painful groan. But she felt better after touching “IT”. Good news is they are married now with a son to show for the guy’s action.

Why have I shared this story? Simply because a similar scenario played out in my relationship too except she didn’t do the arm swing thingy. Would have killed her (LOL). But really how does a guy who by age 12 could tell you the entire anatomy of a woman and it wasn’t because he read Every Woman (guys you know that book now? hmmn guysssssssss!!!!) get to a point where he is supposed for an impotent guy by his fiancĂ©e?
Here is what happened. I got saved and realized the damage sexual impurity was doing to my relationship with God. Man, the guilt was crippling. My conscience was like a siren.

Finally I made  a discovery. The first thing I found out was my sexual organ. Yes that. I discovered that the most expensive underwear in the world is the skull. It houses the most potent sexual organ in the universe: THE MIND. The real sex happens before the real action. My mind writes the script and my body acts the scene with an invitation to my lady as the guest actress in the drama of my soul.

Guys, it is high time we accepted the truth about our sexuality. You see, sex in itself is not the penetration. It is a process. A process that begins with images and erotic sounds in our minds. Images and erotic sounds will almost instantaneously turn a guy on without any other external solicitation. It’s the reason I titled this article “I CAN DO BAD ALL BY MYSELF” not because Tyler Perry paid me for the advert. For ladies, you have to set the stage, sweet talk her, get her into the mood, play with her navel etc. she often doesn’t get turned on by herself without some form of systematic arousal plot. She often needs her guy to help. But for we hommies…kai! We can get it going on just by seeing an image on the TV or in a mag. Especially if the girl in the image is you “specs” not that you like them slim and here come the image of a fat girl, the size of a deep freezer with stomach like GP tank, of course that may not turn you on. But where it to be a slim chic with the shape of an hour glass or guitar that passes by then Ding!!!Ding!!!Ding!!! We know this things now boyssssssssssss!

Arousal for women is like Binatone hot plate, it takes a while to get hot but guys are like gas cookers…instant noodles ni men! All it takes is the right image. That is why we need to guard our eye gates and ear gates. Erotic musical videos and movies with SNLV can be detrimental to our sexuality as men. It can turn your woman into a sexual “object” because after a while that will be all you will see when you look at her. Whatever goes into a heart will eventually show in the life.
The journey to victory in our sexuality begins with allowing our minds process the right images. I strongly believe that we don’t crumble from pressures from outside but we crumble because of the vacuum within.
Take time out to read Philippians 4:8. It will help you. I read and still read Romans 6 as though it is disappearing from the bible. I advice you read it till an image of the new man and his victory forms in your heart too.

Finally I implore you to set standards for yourself. Create boundaries, put structures in place. Isaiah 59:19 says when the enemy comes in, like a flood the spirit will lift up a standard against him. When satan comes with his temptations, what standard of discipline have you put in place that the spirit will lift up. Provide leadership for your woman by creating boundaries for both of you. Proverbs 29:18 says where there is no vision the people perish. I love the translation that says where there is no vision the people cast off restraint. It means they remove boundaries. But if you have a vision of sanctified sexuality, then don’t cast off restraint. Don’t remove the boundaries. Some of these boundaries will help you
  • THE BOUNDARY OF TOUCH: you need to watch where, how and when you touch your babe. Don’t wear down her defenses to prove you are a man. Don’t touch her with intention to arouse her.1 Corinthians 7:1(for clarity read it in ALT version)
  • THE BOUNDARY OF SPEECH: now you have put your mouth deep into her ears and you are whispering sweet nothing, lips on her ear lobe…then you are wondering why she is grabbing your mouth. Haba now! Stop it! There is no need for that.
  • THE BOUNDARY OF SPACE: some places are just not right to hang out alone with your lady. I will leave you to your conscience to be the judge of appropriate location per time. Ephesians 4:27
  • THE BOUNDARY OF TIME: be conscious of timing guys. There are times that helps sin to thrive. Dark and cold nights aren’t good to be alone in a questionable place again. Don’t assume you are superman. Really you are not. Constantly keep watch without sin consciousness. it is possible to do both.1 Corinthian 10:12
If you put these things into practice, you are well on your way to victory. I am sure your woman will respect you more, if she sees a better disciplined guy in you.

HONOR VIRTUTIS PRAEMIUM. It is a Latin sentence meaning “honour is the reward for virtue” .Here is the lifeline guys, once more I hope you grab it.Thank you!

The Author:
Areo Olumuyiwa is an adept teacher of the word with contemporary relevance, providing verity for a life of dominion in this generation. He is a creative thinker and concept developer with an eye for excellence. An architect by training, a youth counsellor and a guide to many. He is a writer and serves as the lead pastor of Citizens of Light Church Worldwide.
Reach Pastor Muyiwa Areo on writemuyiwa@yahoo.com

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

SEX, OH MY GOD, SEX!!!


So my dear friends and sisters are at it again, getting married and all the works! As usual, they expect to hear from me latest a week and half after the occasion, and my customary question is “so, bawo ni things?” *wink!*.  And what I want to know is the sex part! “Are you guys discovering your own rhythm?””Are you trying out many different styles?””Have you gotten over the initial shyness?””Are you learning your body’s fire spots?”It’s important to me because it’s important to God. And there’s no shying away, why should you pretend like you don’t know what I am talking about when you think about it more times than you eat? 

Sex is one of the few very serious and life-defining experiences that are yet coated with a sugary appeal. Its fire in your bed, flame in your soul…melting bodies, heights of passion, muffled whispers and ruffled sheets. Yet it’s a covenant…a spiritual exchange, souls poured into one, a bond that binds; handwritings on your future! 

God is the author and originator of sex, not the Devil! It is God’s creative art and as long as the matter of man and woman remains, He holds the Sovereign Copyright for sex and sexual relations. God is the one who put hormones, bodily chemicals, sensual passions, and fervent cravings there! He is the one who made the man like a match, almost always about to light up and the woman, like the hot plate, ever needing to be warmed up before red hot! And don’t dare squint at me that way, because you can’t be more spiritual than God! Please and please!

You see, God owns the complete manual for this phenomenal experience and it is a sacred worship unto Him when you have sex and enjoy it…within the confines of His prescription. Sex is a ministry that a husband and wife must administer to each other in a great wisdom and ascending dexterity…in fact if your married spouse is unhappy about your sexual life; it’s likely God is very unhappy too!

It’s amazing how God has made a deeply spiritual transaction yet so pleasurable, I am persuaded to believe that because God needed to ensure that the divinity of sex is accomplished in marriage, he made it so beautiful that no one has a reason to miss out on the blessings it brings! There is more to sex than you think…there is a mystery in it that keeps your marriage, preserves your soul, covers your home, releases agape in your heart and fulfils the strength of your seed!

More truth be told, the impact of sex outside holy matrimony is as powerful as sexual covenant within marriage. Powerful, but in a different kind of way, for few things have as much power to steer the course of your life and taint the state of your soul like godless sex. It is more serious than thinking it’s only a mistake you keep making or fire down below that you can’t control. It is a first class affront against God that liquidates the capital of your future, dissipates your inner strength, blurs your strategic vision and weakens your grip on life!

Having said that, you know, like I do, that many scenarios play out and many times, the most painful tragedy are those caused by a lack of understanding. Before we talk about what’s wrong, we need to know what’s right! I promise you there are many sides to the story…and for the most part, we’ve only believed a lie.

So whether you’ve been sexually active outside marriage and don’t really mind, or you know God’s stance but can’t seem to help yourself, or you waited to get married before sex, yet it’s not what you hoped it would be, or you are married to the woman of your dreams and sex just rocks, or you are single and struggling with masturbation, or your sexuality has been violated and you hate the predator, or you are weeks away from wedding night and have no sexy idea of what to do….whatever your scenario, it’s time to hear what God has to say!

It’s time to learn God’s perspective about sex and a wide range of sexual issues, taught in a no-holds-barred style, and The Sex Series is here with a bang! Keep an open mind…no one is here to judge you. Keep an open mind…don’t think Christians don’t know how to do sex, hot and strong! Keep an open mind…what you would learn can change your life significantly. Keep an open mind…you need this more than you know!

So the Sex Series is a project dear to me and I believe in with all my heart. I have brought together the special teachers for this first edition with great excitement, because they would show you stuff!!!

See the topics for the edition and our teachers:
Pastor Segun Obadje , Senior Pastor, God’s Love Tabernacle International shares on the Spiritual mystery of sex.
Pastor (Dr.) Funke Obadje would teach on Preparing to unveil (getting virgins ready for the wedding night) – Female Edition and the Journey back home (God’s thoughts on chastity after losing virginity)
Pastor Peace Toluwade, Ungodly mindsets about sex and how to break them
Pastor Dotun Arifalo, Pillow Talk (learning to communicate about sex with your spouse) and I want sex, she wants flowers! (The differences in how men and women view sex)
Pastor Dupe Osho Akinsiun, Becoming whole again (finding your way out of sexual sins)
(Dr.) Gbenga Adebayo, Preparing to unveil (getting virgins ready for the wedding night) – Men’s Edition
Pastor Taiwo Odubiyi, Healing for my wounds (getting over sexual abuse)
Pastor Vincent Arifalo, I keep going back (mastering the struggles of fornication) and Porn, Sex and God (what pornography does to your soul and your sex life)
Praise Fowowe, What’s God’s plan for sex? /Why fornication isn’t good for your soul
Wale Funsho, What’s wrong with masturbation?
Bolanle Daniel - Enang, Sanctified Sexuality (for Single Ladies)
Doctor Gbenga Adebayo, Achieving sexual intimacy in your marriage/ The Sex Graph (the climax curve and how to manage it)
Pastor Muyiwa Areo, Sanctified Sexuality (for Single Guys)

To be part, check out the Sex Series Blog or the Sex Series Facebook Page every day from June 2011. 
Our articles would be posted on the Sex Series blog (thesexseries.blogspot.com) as well as the Sex Series facebook page.
To get more people on board, please SHARE on your wall, by clicking on “Share” from the left side of the Sex Series facebook page.

The contact details of our teachers will be given on their articles and so, you can reach them personally to ask your sex questions.
For suggestions on sex topics to treat in our second edition, or other questions and enquiries, please send a mail to thesexseries@gmail.com
Please, share this note again and tag other people!
Let’s make it happen!!!

With passion for pure, red-hot, unselfish sex within marriage,
Debola Adeoye

Saturday, January 8, 2011

CONFESSION ON A WOMAN'S SANCTIFIED SEXUALITY


SANCTIFIED SEXUALITY, EMOTIONS AND WOMANHOOD.
Father I thank you because my body is the temple of God and the Holy Spirit dwells within me. I thank you because sin no longer has dominion over me, and I glorify God in my bodily members. I am a woman of God, bought by the redemptive blood of the lamb, washed by the washing of water by the Word and regenerated by the Spirit; therefore I walk in sanctified sexuality. Titus 3:5, 1 Cor 3:16, Rom 6: 12- 14, Eph 5: 25- 27

I walk in the spirit and I do not fulfil the lusts of the flesh. My recreated human spirit is in vital connection with God therefore I honour God in my mortal body. I refuse to give myself to premarital sex, extramarital sex, inordinate affections, lustful thoughts, obscene jokes, masturbation, or other works of the flesh. Rom 8:13, 16

Father I thank you for carving me from Adam's ribs and crafting me delicately into a woman's body. I thank you for my breasts, my womb, and my entire frame. Thank you for the seeds within me and the whole process of reproduction ordained in my body. I consecrate my womanhood to you, dear God, as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto you! Gen 2:21-22, Rom 12:1, Eph 5: 1-5

I thank you for my emotions, my attraction to the opposite and my desires for companionship, thank you for placing these powerful passions within me as part of my femininity and part of your sacred plan for Marriage. I submit my emotions and desires to God and I refuse to act under their influence. The word of God is final authority in my life.

My emotions are stable and peaceful for they are under the control of the Holy Spirit. I will no more be given to hasty decisions, unholy joining, unwise reactions, godless conclusions, sinful alliances, compromising situations or destructive behaviours because of untamed emotions. Right now, I speak the peace of God into my emotions. Let every turbulence, depression, pain, regret, shame, guilt, moodiness, confusion, anger, fear, jealousy, pride, unforgiveness, coldness and frustration crowding my heart give way to peace. I speak peace and more peace in Jesus’ name! Gal 5:22

I agree with God right now and I declare that my womanhood is blessed. I am beautiful in everyway, my heart is compassionate, my wisdom is deep, my warmth is endearing, my words are gracious, my carriage is royal, my hair is lustrous, my spirit is vibrant, my hands are diligent, my mind is intelligent and my life is prosperous.

The beauty of the Lord is upon me from today. I have material abundance as I blossom into my womanhood. My library is full of great books, my friendships are blessed with godly women, my wardrobe is full of gorgeous clothes, under wears, accessories and shoes, and my table is full of my choice body lotions, perfumes, and hair works. My needs are supernaturally met. Is 54:11-15, Ps 90:17

this confession is for all who are committing themselves to a life of sexual sanctification.
Confession by Debola Adeoye