EXPLICIT CONTENT, PASTORAL ADVISORY. STRONG LANGUAGE USED
Hmmn, I have been asked to discuss on sanctified sexuality…gosh! What a relieve. Thank God I wasn’t giving a topic such as sanctified virginity. It would have meant writing from a second person’s point of view because I am not one! Had my first sexual experience in primary 3 and if you had such early exposure to an addictive act like sex, you can imagine how difficult it could be to stop.
This background is necessary for what I am about to delve into. It helps understand that such a start at life disqualifies me from the stone throwing business. I hold in my hand, not a gavel to judge but rather a life-line to save and I pray you grab it.
I have this friend who told me something crazy she once did. She had dated this guy for a while and this fellow just doesn’t show any sign of arousal when with her. First she assumed he wasn’t attracted to her but she soon realized that wasn’t true. Then one day like Archimedes, she had a eureka moment.”HE DOESN’T HAVE A PENIS!” she said to herself. So to confirm her discovery she embarked on an adventure to prove her theory of “ flirtation” ah sorry floatation. Since all guys flirt with their babes, she assumed. Finally the opportunity presented itself. He had just said something humorous and then she faked this hysterical laughter and intentionally swung her hand and hit him at the spot she believes JT should be….I am sure you know the rest. NO? hanhan what kind of imagination do you have sef! Of course the guy buckled and screamed grabbing his pant and letting out a painful groan. But she felt better after touching “IT”. Good news is they are married now with a son to show for the guy’s action.
Why have I shared this story? Simply because a similar scenario played out in my relationship too except she didn’t do the arm swing thingy. Would have killed her (LOL). But really how does a guy who by age 12 could tell you the entire anatomy of a woman and it wasn’t because he read Every Woman (guys you know that book now? hmmn guysssssssss!!!!) get to a point where he is supposed for an impotent guy by his fiancée?
Here is what happened. I got saved and realized the damage sexual impurity was doing to my relationship with God. Man, the guilt was crippling. My conscience was like a siren.
Finally I made a discovery. The first thing I found out was my sexual organ. Yes that. I discovered that the most expensive underwear in the world is the skull. It houses the most potent sexual organ in the universe: THE MIND. The real sex happens before the real action. My mind writes the script and my body acts the scene with an invitation to my lady as the guest actress in the drama of my soul.
Guys, it is high time we accepted the truth about our sexuality. You see, sex in itself is not the penetration. It is a process. A process that begins with images and erotic sounds in our minds. Images and erotic sounds will almost instantaneously turn a guy on without any other external solicitation. It’s the reason I titled this article “I CAN DO BAD ALL BY MYSELF” not because Tyler Perry paid me for the advert. For ladies, you have to set the stage, sweet talk her, get her into the mood, play with her navel etc. she often doesn’t get turned on by herself without some form of systematic arousal plot. She often needs her guy to help. But for we hommies…kai! We can get it going on just by seeing an image on the TV or in a mag. Especially if the girl in the image is you “specs” not that you like them slim and here come the image of a fat girl, the size of a deep freezer with stomach like GP tank, of course that may not turn you on. But where it to be a slim chic with the shape of an hour glass or guitar that passes by then Ding!!!Ding!!!Ding!!! We know this things now boyssssssssssss!
Arousal for women is like Binatone hot plate, it takes a while to get hot but guys are like gas cookers…instant noodles ni men! All it takes is the right image. That is why we need to guard our eye gates and ear gates. Erotic musical videos and movies with SNLV can be detrimental to our sexuality as men. It can turn your woman into a sexual “object” because after a while that will be all you will see when you look at her. Whatever goes into a heart will eventually show in the life.
The journey to victory in our sexuality begins with allowing our minds process the right images. I strongly believe that we don’t crumble from pressures from outside but we crumble because of the vacuum within.
Take time out to read Philippians 4:8. It will help you. I read and still read Romans 6 as though it is disappearing from the bible. I advice you read it till an image of the new man and his victory forms in your heart too.
Finally I implore you to set standards for yourself. Create boundaries, put structures in place. Isaiah 59:19 says when the enemy comes in, like a flood the spirit will lift up a standard against him. When satan comes with his temptations, what standard of discipline have you put in place that the spirit will lift up. Provide leadership for your woman by creating boundaries for both of you. Proverbs 29:18 says where there is no vision the people perish. I love the translation that says where there is no vision the people cast off restraint. It means they remove boundaries. But if you have a vision of sanctified sexuality, then don’t cast off restraint. Don’t remove the boundaries. Some of these boundaries will help you
- THE BOUNDARY OF TOUCH: you need to watch where, how and when you touch your babe. Don’t wear down her defenses to prove you are a man. Don’t touch her with intention to arouse her.1 Corinthians 7:1(for clarity read it in ALT version)
- THE BOUNDARY OF SPEECH: now you have put your mouth deep into her ears and you are whispering sweet nothing, lips on her ear lobe…then you are wondering why she is grabbing your mouth. Haba now! Stop it! There is no need for that.
- THE BOUNDARY OF SPACE: some places are just not right to hang out alone with your lady. I will leave you to your conscience to be the judge of appropriate location per time. Ephesians 4:27
- THE BOUNDARY OF TIME: be conscious of timing guys. There are times that helps sin to thrive. Dark and cold nights aren’t good to be alone in a questionable place again. Don’t assume you are superman. Really you are not. Constantly keep watch without sin consciousness. it is possible to do both.1 Corinthian 10:12
HONOR VIRTUTIS PRAEMIUM. It is a Latin sentence meaning “honour is the reward for virtue” .Here is the lifeline guys, once more I hope you grab it.Thank you!
Areo Olumuyiwa is an adept teacher of the word with contemporary relevance, providing verity for a life of dominion in this generation. He is a creative thinker and concept developer with an eye for excellence. An architect by training, a youth counsellor and a guide to many. He is a writer and serves as the lead pastor of Citizens of Light Church Worldwide.
Reach Pastor Muyiwa Areo on email@example.com